Shock and Awe
by scarlet79
Summary: Colonel John Sheppard and Jordan Hayes are captured by a Genii faction, and she comes back to Atlantis with more than just physical and emotional damage...WARNING...Possible trigger. Rated M for torture/violence against a woman. NOW COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

_AN: Hey, guys! *waves* I changed a few things around, adding a few extra thoughts or dialogue, since some parts seemed a little rushed. Or just rough. Anyway, I hope it flows a little better. Let me know what you think!_

* * *

Shock and Awe

Chapter 1

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard strolled down the halls of Atlantis, nodding periodically as people passed by him. He could feel the city's awareness humming in the back of his mind, and as always, it put him in a good mood. He loved this city, maybe even more than he loved Earth. On bad days, the tingling hum of the city soothed him, and on good days, such as this one, it excited and invigorated him like nothing else could.

_Well, except maybe flying_, he corrected. Steering a helicopter, or piloting a fighter jet going full speed usually had the same effect, though it didn't last as long. Here, he constantly felt the city's pull on him, as if he was bound to Atlantis by an invisible cord, and though it could sometimes tire him out, he welcomed its presence.

"Colonel Sheppard," a voice greeted him from a few paces away. He looked up, and smiled as he saw who it was.

"Hey, Carter!" He replied cheerily.

Clearly not a morning person, Colonel Samantha Carter merely grinned back. Here it was, just turning five A.M., and Sheppard was looking fresh-faced and grinning like the Cheshire Cat. _Far be it from me to break his good mood_, she thought to herself as she fell into step beside him.

"I just got the preliminary reports back from M2R-435. There's a small village relatively close to the Stargate..."

"How close?" Sheppard interrupted, before shooting her an apologetic look.

Carter simply smiled and went on, "Not more than five kilometers, give or take. Anyway, I think it warrants a closer look. The people may welcome some new visitors."

Sheppard nodded, a small frown dimpling his face. "Or, they could totally freak out and shoot at us."

"Colonel..." Carter began, but he waved his hand, silently urging her to forget his previous comment.

"I know, I'm probably just paranoid. It just seems like it's been so long since we've had any trouble, it's due to find us again soon."

"Well, in any case," she said, stopping when they reached the transporter at the end of the hall, "your team has a go. You leave at oh-nine-hundred."

"Great. I'm sure it'll be an interesting mission."

Ignoring his light sarcasm, Carter got onto the transporter and smiled at him, just before the door slid closed. Taking a deep breath to clear his head, Sheppard walked down the hallway to the right, on his way to the gym, where he knew Ronon would be sparring with some unfortunate soul.

Sure enough, the Satedan was there, as was Major Lorne. Sheppard stepped through the door just as Ronon tossed Lorne onto the mat, his back slamming against it with enough force to knock the wind out of him. Lorne uttered a cry and lay there gasping, until Ronon reached down and easily picked him up by his Knicks t-shirt, settling him lightly on his feet.

"Thanks," Lorne breathed, his hands on his knees.

Ronon clapped him on the shoulder. "No problem."

"You know," Sheppard commented from just inside the doorway, "if you keep beating up my men, I'll have no one left to do Gate room guard-duty."

"Hey, Sheppard," Ronon said, though he'd noticed his friend enter the room a while ago. "Wanna turn?"

"No, thanks. Judging by how Lorne's doing right now, I think it's best to save it for another day."

Ronon shrugged, as Lorne managed, "Good to see you, Colonel."

Sheppard chuckled softly. "You're on for duty in an hour. Why don't you get some rest?"

Lorne nodded gratefully, glad to have an "excuse" to leave the gym. "Sounds good. Thanks, Colonel."

As the Major jogged out of the room, Ronon grabbed a towel to wipe away the sweat on his forehead and arms. As he tossed it aside again, he asked, "So, what's up?"

Sheppard strolled farther into the room, picking up a stray basketball someone had left near the benches. Turning it over, he realized why. The ball had lost some air – when he pressed his fingers into the rubbery surface, it dimpled easily. "Not much. We're slated for a mission to M2R-435 at nine-hundred, Atlantis-time."

"Which one is that?"

Sheppard shrugged. "One with a small village of inhabitants, and probably not much else."

"Sounds like fun," Ronon replied, though his tone suggested he thought otherwise. He stuck the last bantos rod into their plastic holder, then retied the hank of hair that held his dreads out of his face.

"That's what I said. But Carter seems to think the village might be willing to trade with us. Or something."

At this, Ronon stopped to think for a moment. Then, he turned to face Sheppard and scowled, muttering, "Or we could show up, and they'll toss us in some dungeon."

Sheppard laughed outright. "I said as much to Carter, but she didn't agree. We're going, end of story."

Ronon nodded. "Whatever. I'll be ready."

"Sweet," Sheppard replied, turning to leave.

"Where're you goin'?" He heard his friend ask.

Without turning around, he called over his shoulder, "I'm gonna bug Rodney for a while."

Ronon grinned, knowing all too well how that usually ended. Grabbing a stray bantos stick from the floor in front of him, he called back, "Have fun!"

The last words he heard before the door closed were, "I will!"

* * *

"Jordan? Hello, Atlantis to Jordan..."

Jordan Hayes looked up from her work, the blush rising in her cheeks making her face feel suddenly hot.

"Uh, sorry, Dr. McKay," she stammered, brushing her auburn hair away from her face. "I was...thinking." _No_, she corrected, _daydreaming_. Thinking somewhat dirty thoughts about a certain man with a cocky smile and not enough time on his hands. Not lately, at least, and that was probably a good thing for him. Not so much for her.

"Yes, well, maybe you could hand me that tablet right there?" Rodney McKay replied, impatiently pointing at a data-pad on the counter in front of her.

"Sure." She handed him the pad, then went back to reading the notes she'd been studying before getting distracted. _Daydreaming_, her mind argued again, and she conceded.

Jordan had been Rodney's unofficial assistant for just over three months, and as such had learned tons more than she ever had at the SGC, where she'd worked for four years previous. When she'd been offered a position on the Atlantis expedition, she'd jumped at the chance, nearly throwing herself on General Landry in thanks. It wasn't that she didn't like working at the SGC – she got along swimmingly with everyone - but the idea of visiting other worlds, of traveling through space, really excited her. Not only that, but with both of her parents dead, and with no other siblings to speak of, there was nothing really holding her back on Earth, anyway.

Jordan was suddenly aware that she'd been lost in her own thoughts again, and now, two pairs of eyes, rather than one, were watching her expectantly.

Again, she glanced up and apologized. "Sorry. I don't know why I keep getting sidetracked."

The pair of eyes that belonged to Colonel Sheppard crinkled at the corners, their hazel depths full of good humor. "Don't worry. Happens to all of us now and then, especially when we're around Rodney."

"Oh, ha ha," Rodney scoffed, tossing the data pad onto the counter's surface. "Is today 'make fun of the genius day'? I wish someone would've told me; I'd have pulled out the red nose and rainbow wig."

"You actually have those?" Sheppard joked, ignoring the icy stare he received from McKay.

"Are you here for a reason, Colonel?" McKay asked, irritation clear in his voice.

"Actually, yes."

"Oh, good." Rodney clapped joylessly. When Sheppard didn't respond, he asked, "Well, what is it?"

"What is what?" Sheppard asked, flopping down in a nearby chair and propping his feet on another.

Rodney sighed, his eyes rolling heavenward in a "why me?" gaze. Patiently, he replied, "Why are you _here_?"

Sheppard caught Jordan's eye and winked, silently informing her that he was not yet finished having fun with his friend. Her own brown eyes widened at his sudden attention, and she wondered if either of the men could hear her heartbeat suddenly start thumping in her chest. It was no secret that John Sheppard was the subject of most of the Atlantis women's affections, and she was no different in that respect. She had always admired his good looks and inescapable charm, though usually from afar. Never before had he actually acknowledged her presence.

Not until now, anyway.

Forcing herself to continue her research, Jordan perched on her chair and continued reading, though she managed to subconsciously glance over at the colonel every now and then.

Sheppard shrugged and said, "I'm hiding from Ronon."

As he resumed his work, Rodney asked, "And you feel the need to do that in my lab, rather than, oh, I don't know...your room?"

"Rodney, you know me. If I go back to my room, I'll fall asleep. Besides, I figured you might need some company."

"Well, I don't. I have Jordan here, and it's been blessedly quiet, since Zelenka is working on some project on the other side of the city."

Sheppard was silent for a while, choosing to simply watch the pair of them work rather than purposefully irritate Rodney any longer. After a few minutes, however, he began to get restless, and stood up again.

"So, Rodney?" He began.

McKay looked up, seeming to forget that he'd been upset with Sheppard not long ago. "Yeah?"

"We're going off-world in a few hours."

"Okay," McKay prompted.

Knowing that if they continued this way, it would be an hour before anything was actually said, Jordan put down her book and piped up, "Where to, Colonel?"

"That planet they sent the MALP to yesterday."

Rodney groaned. "You mean the one with the tiny village?"

Sheppard nodded.

"Do you really need me for that? I mean, from what I saw, there was no technology to speak of. No ruins, no weapons..."

Sheppard stifled a chuckle. "Sorry, Rodney, but the MALP didn't go far enough to be able to tell if those things _aren't_ actually there. We need to check it out."

Sighing again, Rodney replied, "Fine. But if this is just another Podunk village in the middle of nowhere..."

"Podunk?" Sheppard asked him, his eyebrow raised and looking for all the world like a caterpillar that had strayed from its path, heading not for his ear, but for the top of his head. "Who says that?"

Again growing irritated with the colonel, Rodney scowled. "I say it. And I'll say it again when we get back, with nothing to show but a fruit basket and a couple disease-ridden blankets."

"Okay, okay," the colonel said, trying to calm his friend with only his voice. It was a half-hearted gesture, as he'd known it wouldn't work even before he tried it. "I'll see you in the Gate room." Then, he turned his eyes to Jordan. "Bye, Jordan."

"Bye," she squeaked, cursing her shyness. He didn't seem to notice, as he simply waved good-naturedly at the two scientists, before he left the room.

McKay, on the other hand, did notice, and Jordan cursed herself again. "Oh, don't tell me," he moaned, "you like him, too?"

Feigning ignorance, Jordan shook her head. "What? Of course not. I just prefer to be nice to people. Especially military people, since they have guns."

"Uh...huh," Rodney responded, not fully convinced. "Well, anyway, why don't you finish up what you're doing, and go grab some breakfast? Speaking of which, I'm off to grab some food before our little 'mission'." He pouted at the dour prospect of his day, grabbed a handful of equipment, and started for the door. Then, he remembered something, and turned toward Jordan. "Oh, and don't touch anything."

Amused, Jordan replied, "I won't, I promise."

He stared at her for a moment, as if assessing whether she was telling the truth or not. Then, he nodded. "Good. Okay. See you."

"Bye, Dr. McKay," Jordan replied.

When he had gone, she slid further back into her seat and tried to finally finish reading her research materials. Unfortunately, all she could think about was the way Sheppard had winked at her earlier, the way the corners of his gorgeous hazel eyes had crinkled ever so slightly when he smiled. And that smile…_oh, it was a wonder he hadn't melted the ice in Antarctica with that beaming grin_, she thought. Sighing, she gave up on reading, closed her books, and headed for the mess hall.

* * *

M2R-435

Two weeks later

Colonel John Sheppard was starting to believe that he was, in fact, in Hell.

For a whole week now, he'd been sitting in a cold, dirty cell, being tortured periodically for information. Of course, his captors weren't torturing him by actually beating him anymore; they had since discovered a much more sinister method of inflicting pain onto him.

When Sheppard's team had first arrived on this planet – M2R-something-or-other (he couldn't remember the designation, not that it really mattered anymore. As soon as they were off this God-forsaken planet, he would make Rodney delete it from the database) – it had seemed so peaceful, so inviting. The grass was green, the town was full of friendly people...it was almost paradise for the team, after having to deal with the Wraith for so long. They'd already begun to talk of trade with the townspeople, and had shared quite a few meals with them. All around, it was a good experience for everyone involved.

One day, Rodney had noted aloud that there was no military force to be seen. The "mayor" of the town, Kellan, had looked around nervously and said, "We are never in need of them, but the military _does_ have a base nearby, in case trouble should arise."

_Well_, Sheppard thought as he tried in vain to find a more comfortable position on the floor of his cell, _trouble had come, after all._ While his team were performing a simple exploratory sweep of the surrounding woods, they had unexpectedly run into the military Kellan had spoken of. And, just as unexpectedly, they found that they recognized some of the personnel.

_The Genii_, Sheppard spat, as he lightly probed a cut on his cheek. The new commander of the "military" had not failed to recognize Sheppard, either, and as expected, a battle had ensued. In the confusion that followed, Teyla, Ronon, and Rodney had managed to escape capture, and made it back to the Jumper. However, Sheppard had been knocked unconscious and so had been caught, along with Jordan Hayes, Rodney's assistant, who'd come along on their latest visit to the town.

Before they'd headed out this last time, Sheppard had argued with Colonel Samantha Carter about allowing Jordan to come. _You never know when danger might pop up_, he'd said, and since Jordan hadn't had any military training, she might get hurt. Or worse. But Carter hadn't seen his side of things, telling him that having another woman along with Teyla might make both her, and the townspeople, more comfortable. And, she'd argued, there hadn't been any indication that they'd run into trouble. The people in the town were peaceful, and accepted Sheppard's offers of trade with gratitude. In the end, he had no choice but to go along with her decision, though he repeated his earlier concerns.

_And now, look where we are_, he scoffed. He glanced at Jordan through the bars between their cells. She was asleep, thankfully, her hands placed under her cheek and her knees drawn up as close to her chest as they could go. The curly red hair that covered her face from his sight was tangled and dirty, and she sported quite a few defensive wounds. He thought that despite the poor shape she was in, she looked kind of pretty. Like an angel that'd fallen from her cloud. Sure, she was banged up, bruised and dirty, but it somehow didn't detract from her beauty in the slightest. If anything, it seemed to _amplify_ it.

Jordan's sleep was soon to be interrupted. Sheppard could hear footsteps coming toward them, from down the hallway. Though he wasn't afraid of the Genii – he hated them, more than anything – he subconsciously began to move even farther against his cell's back wall. At first, he wasn't sure if he should try to wake Jordan, but as the steps came closer, an urgent desire not to be alone overtook him.

"Jordan!" He hissed. "Wake up!"

Jordan stirred where she lay, but as soon as the sound of the Genii's heavy boots reached her ears, she sat straight up and also scooted against the far wall.

"Sheppard," she whispered, her eyes wide, "please..."

Swallowing around the lump in his throat, he could only nod before two soldiers stopped in front of his cage. He knew what she meant. He'd heard that same plaintive request so many times that he was sure he'd never forget it, even if he lived to be a hundred. The way she whispered it made him shiver, the "please" like a faint winter's breeze, one that chilled a person before they even realized it was still only March, and they weren't wearing a jacket. And truthfully, he'd wanted nothing more than to give in to that "please" for the past five nights. But he couldn't. Not because of some moral code, but because he honestly, truly _couldn't_.

"Tell us what we need to know, Sheppard," sneered the one who he'd secretly named "Roger", due to his resemblance to a certain, portly movie critic.

Keeping his gaze away from Jordan, he replied, "Bite me."

He heard Jordan whimper softly at his answer, but he kept his gaze locked on the two guards, his jaw clenched so tightly it hurt. He could only hope that she understood, that she knew _why_ he was doing this.

"By keeping your silence, you're only causing more pain to her," the other guard, the one he called "Mick", said as he jagged his thumb to Sheppard's right. Right where Jordan sat, her knees drawn up to her chest, dried blood crusting over a cut above her eyebrow.

"I told you _before_," Sheppard growled, "We only came here to trade with the townspeople. We don't know anything about the weapon you're looking for!"

"Roger" glared at him for at least a full minute, and Sheppard could almost see the guard's mind turning over his answer. Then, to both his and Jordan's horror, Roger nodded once at his partner, who grinned evilly in response.

"Very well, Sheppard," Roger replied as "Mick" began to unlock Jordan's cell door, "then I guess we'll have to do this hard way, again."

"Leave her alone, or I swear, I'll kill you!" Sheppard shouted, rushing toward the front of the cell. Summoning all his strength, which had lessened severely due to not eating and being hit with sticks that resembled police batons, he reached through the bars and grabbed Roger's shirt, yanking him against the cell so hard he thought he heard the guard's breath whoosh out of him. Sheppard glared into the man's terrifyingly pig-like eyes, sending him the same warning, only silently, _You mess with her, I'll mess you up_, but the guard quickly produced a shock-prod and stuck it through the bars, hitting him in the chest. Electricity surged through Sheppard's body like fire, and he dropped to his knees, gasping. Eventually, the buzzing in his ears faded, but it was soon replaced by Jordan's screams. Sheppard found himself suddenly wishing for the hum to return, for some kind of temporary hearing-loss, for some cotton to shove deep into his ear canals.

Unfortunately, none of those happened, and all he could do now was wait for rescue, which, he was certain, was bound to come soon.

* * *

"Colonel Carter."

Sam Carter turned around, to see Ronon striding purposefully toward her, a dark scowl on his bearded face. Hiding her intimidation, she merely nodded at him and replied, "Ronon. What can I do for you?"

"You know what I want."

Carter sighed. They'd had this "conversation" at least ten times in the last week. Each time, it had ended badly. Neither of them was happy with the other, and they made sure each knew it. "I'm sorry, Ronon, but I can't allow you to return to the planet."

"But Sheppard is down there..."

"I realize that," she replied, growing impatient. In some ways, Ronon was rather like a pit-bull – once he latched on to an idea, he just didn't let go, no matter how hard you hit him. "But if you go down there and get captured –"

He threw up his hand to stop her. "If it were me down there right now, Sheppard would've gone back by now!"

Carter closed her eyes, trying to find a way to diffuse Ronon's anger. When she realized that was a futile endeavor, she opened them again, and tapped the communicator settled in her ear.

"Rodney?"

Dr. McKay answered her immediately. "Yes, Carter?"

"Have you finished working on the cloaking device, yet?"

"Almost there," he replied. "Give me another hour or so, and it should be ready."

"Understood. Keep working, Rodney."

"Yes, yes. Going as fast as I can."

Smiling at the irritation now apparent in his voice, she clicked off her radio, and gazed at Ronon. "If Rodney's cloak works during testing, then I will give the rescue mission the 'okay'. But not before."

Ronon nodded. "Fine. I'll be taking Teyla and McKay, then."

"Ah," she held up her hand, "And Major Lorne."

He glared at her for a moment, but then nodded. It would do no good to argue with her on that. Besides, Lorne was okay in Ronon's book. He was like a younger Sheppard, only Lorne took orders better than his superior ever had.

"Okay," Ronon replied. Without waiting for her to dismiss him, he turned and stalked back down the hallway.

Carter watched him leave. She knew how much he respected Sheppard, how he'd come to see the colonel not only as a fellow warrior, but almost as a brother. But she had her reservations about this rescue mission. She'd read Weir's reports on the Genii, and knew that they wouldn't stop to negotiate with the rescue team, nor would they show mercy to anyone from Atlantis.

Sighing, Carter turned in the direction of her office. She could only hope that Ronon would indeed wait for her permission to leave.

* * *

_TBC..._


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

An hour later on the dot, the cloak was ready. Carter walked into the lab just as Radek Zelenka was making final calculations at the computer.

"Ah, Colonel Carter," Rodney greeted her, his notepad computer resting on the palm of his left hand. "We're ready to start."

"Go ahead," she replied, her hands folded in front of her.

"Okay, Zelenka," he nodded to the Czech, and moved away from the mannequin they'd set up at the far end of the lab. Draped around the mannequin was a normal-looking tac-vest, only there was now a small, black box attached to the right shoulder, on which a blue light blinked.

Zelenka pressed a key on the computer, and the blue light suddenly switched to red. A moment later, the entire mannequin slowly faded, then disappeared completely. Both scientists busied themselves with readings and such, before exchanging excited grins.

"It works!" Rodney shouted at Carter, but she still didn't seem convinced.

"You're sure?"

"Yes." He seemed a little hurt by her apprehension, so he walked over and showed her his notepad. "Look. The power is holding steady. As long as the Genii don't have anything that gives off EM at the same wavelength we're using, we should remain undetected."

"How long will the power last?" She asked him.

But it was Zelenka who answered. "Days, actually. The device is only drawing minuscule amount of power from the battery. As long as the wearer doesn't contact EM interference, as Rodney said, it should last much longer than needed for rescue."

Carter took in this information, and then nodded slowly. "Okay. How many of these devices can you make?"

Rodney grinned smugly. "We, uh, already made four." When Carter shot him a look, he shrugged. "Just in case. So, we get to go, right?"

"Yes, Rodney," she sighed, "I'll inform Major Lorne, and Ronon and Teyla."

Rodney was still feeling fairly giddy after Carter left. Completely out of character for him, he turned to Zelenka and gave him a high-five. If – _no, __when_, Rodney corrected – this worked, they'd have Sheppard and Jordan back on Atlantis, safe and sound.

* * *

Sheppard was tired.

He'd been awake the entire time he and Jordan had been imprisoned, and though his body complained from the lack of sleep, he forced himself to stay alert, to try and figure a way out of their current situation.

So far, he hadn't been able to find a solution, and it only served to piss him off more.

Sighing quietly in frustration, he looked over at Jordan. She was tucked tightly against the back wall of her cell, with new bruises forming on her arms and legs. A wave of sickness rolled over Sheppard as he remembered what "Mick" had done to her earlier, at the wounds he knew she carried, both outwardly and within. And, all the while, he'd been helpless to defend her; he'd been forced to endure her screams and pleas for help for days, while Mick pinned her to the floor and...

He pushed the memory away from his mind as far as he could. It wouldn't do either of them any good to think about it anymore. Instead, he scooted close to the bars that separated Jordan from him. She was still just out of his reach, but now he could see in the dim light of the room that her body was wracked by silent sobs. He'd thought she'd only been sleeping; the idea that she'd been crying simply hadn't occurred to him.

"Jordan," he called softly. She jerked at his voice, but otherwise stayed put. He tried again, a little louder this time. "Jordan."

Finally, she lifted her head, staring at him with brown eyes that had since lost their spark. Tear stains ran down her cheeks, which also sported a few purple bruises, and her nose had just recently stopped bleeding. Sheppard felt his anger at the guards rise a few notches as he looked at her. _Bastards_, his mind spat. Slowly, he reached out his hand toward her.

"Come here," he murmured. At first, Jordan shook her head, her eyes wide with fear. Then, something in her mind seemed to shift gears, and she quickly slid herself across the floor until she sat beside him, on her side of the bars. Sheppard stuck his hand through, wrapping his arm around her shoulder as best he could, and though he was seated in an awkward position, he ignored the discomfort he felt in his back and shoulder. She needed him, and he was gonna be there for her, pain or no pain.

Jordan leaned her head against the bars, more tears falling down her face to land on the dirt floor. Sheppard ached to see her this way, but he knew that nothing he said could possibly comfort her, so he simply sat there, holding her. He stayed that way for what seemed like hours, when she suddenly spoke.

"Please," she whispered, apparently to herself, "just let me die."

"Hey," Sheppard said then, his gut coiling with an intangible fear. She raised her eyes to his. They were so still, so calm, so…_lifeless_, his mind finished for him. "Neither of us is gonna die. Carter's gonna send people back to get us."

She stared at him in disbelief. Her voice was flat. "It's been days, Colonel. No one's coming."

"Yes, they will. And for now, you can call me John." At her apprehension, he added, "Or Sheppard, if it makes you feel better."

"Okay," she replied quietly, then just shrugged and leaned back against the bars. Now that he was so close to her, the defeat in her eyes was so clear that it almost shattered his heart. _She's given up_, he thought, moving only slightly to ease a cramp in his neck. _She really thinks that this is it. The jig is up…we're goners for sure…the ride is over._ Mentally shaking the thoughts out of his head, Sheppard sighed and decided to change the subject.

"How long've you been working with Rodney?" He asked her.

"I transferred off the _Daedalus_ three months ago."

"Really? That long?"

She looked at him and smiled shyly. "I don't really get out of the lab very often. Dr. McKay has so many projects going on at once, I'm always busy with something."

Sheppard chuckled. "He's a bit of a workaholic, huh?"

"Yeah," she returned, with a small chuckle of her own, "he keeps going even when he should be sleeping. Sometimes, Zelenka calls him 'Sir Yawns-a-Lot' behind his back."

"I'd pay him a hundred bucks to watch him say that to his face."

"One time," she began, her eyes finally gaining back a bit of their spark, "we switched his coffee to decaf, and bet on how long it would take for him to notice."

Sheppard grinned conspiratorially. "How long did it take?"

"Oh, about thirty seconds. He broke the record for spitting long-distance, though."

"Nice! So who won?"

Jordan shrugged. "No one. I bet on an hour, and Zelenka bet it would take one cup." Anticipating his next question, she added, "We both took our money back."

After a short silence, Sheppard leaned his head against the bars, lost in his thoughts. Jordan just managed to cover a yawn, but he saw it anyway.

"You should get some sleep, Jordan," he suggested, though his tone made it sound more like an order.

"I'm not tired, Sheppard," she said. The tremble in her voice told him that there was another, more terrifying, reason. All too well, he knew the reason for her fear, and he couldn't say that he blamed her. Right now, he wasn't sure how she was still sane. If he'd been in her shoes, he'd be babbling like an idiot, drooling as he rocked mindlessly back and forth. _Like Rain Man_. Yes, he thought, just like Rain Man.

Gently rubbing her shoulder, he assured her, "I promise, I'll stay right here with you."

It took a good ten minutes, but she eventually let her eyes close. A few minutes after that, she fell asleep. Sheppard felt himself nodding off, too, though he tried hard to fight it. He took deep breaths, he played word games in his head – anything to stay awake. The last time his head jerked up from resting on his chest, he noticed that Jordan's hand had slipped through the bars, and was laying lightly on his own. A strange surge of tenderness swept over him as he turned his palm over, closing his fingers over her hand. Though her skin was chilled – due to the low temperature of the stone prison they were in – she felt as far from deathly cold to him. Quite the opposite, in fact; she seemed to radiate a feeling of _life_, despite the things that had happened to her. He wondered if maybe, just maybe, she really hadn't given up at all, at least not subconsciously. That perhaps, she was just biding her time until the opportunity to fight came.

Sitting there, holding Jordan's goose-pimpled hand through the rusty, stinking bars of their jail, Sheppard was tired. After he closely inspected both his and Jordan's injuries and found none to be life-threatening, his hazel eyes slowly closed, and he finally gave in to the pull of slumber.

* * *

A few hours later, Sheppard was jarred awake by the sound of a door opening. Jordan had felt him stir, and was instantly awake as well, instinctively pressing herself back against the wall. Keeping her eyes glued to Sheppard, she waited, barely daring to breathe, as footsteps approached the cells. Suddenly, the footsteps stopped, seemingly right in front of Sheppard's prison. She shot him a look of confusion, and he only shrugged back, at first thinking he'd imagined the sounds. If that was true, though, then how had Jordan also heard them? _Maybe we're both going crazy_. The thought almost made him laugh out loud.

In a hushed voice, someone said, "Sheppard, it's us."

Sheppard stood up, ignoring his screaming muscles, and slowly stepped forward. "Lorne?" He asked into the empty space beyond.

"Ye, sir."

"But –" he began, but stopped when Lorne suddenly shimmered into view before him, followed by Ronon.

"Cloaks," Ronon explained simply, and Sheppard nodded.

"Cool," he noted.

Lorne grinned quickly. "We're gonna get you out of here. Stand back."

Sheppard did as Lorne asked, as Ronon blasted the lock on his door. While Ronon moved to Jordan's cell and repeated the process, Lorne helped Sheppard out of the cell.

Jordan, however, didn't move when Ronon opened her door. Instead, she pulled back into the corner, her eyes roving wildly around, wide with terror. Ronon took another step toward her, pushing his weapon into its holster, but stopped when he noticed her shaking uncontrollably. He gazed back at Sheppard, a question in his dark eyes.

"Jordan," Sheppard said, "It's okay."

She shook her head vehemently, refusing to move. He understood why; hell, even he'd been intimidated by Ronon's towering stature and gruff demeanor when they'd first met, however, they really needed to get out of this place, before the Genii noticed they were gone. Thinking as quickly as he could despite his pounding migraine, he tapped his communicator.

"Teyla? We need you down here."

Teyla's soft voice reached his ear immediately. "Understood."

A few moments later, a doorway opened at the far end of the prison, and Teyla stepped through. Her concern for Sheppard clear in her eyes, she came to join him and Lorne where they stood, and tipped her head to the side as Sheppard murmured something in her ear. She nodded as he moved away, and then told Ronon with her eyes to please move away from Jordan.

"Jordan," Teyla called softly, entering the cell, "it is alright. We are going to get you out of here now. Please, come with me."

The red-headed scientist seemed to consider her for a while, then flicked her eyes toward Sheppard, who nodded almost imperceptibly. Finally, she shuffled away from the wall and took Teyla's outstretched hand. The two of them led the way out of the prison, while Lorne handed Sheppard his sidearm, and then began to follow the women. They had almost made it to the door, when a spray of bullets suddenly hit the wall right above their heads. Sparks flew around them, some of them landing on Sheppard's hair. They turned around, to see "Mick" and "Roger" running toward them, their guns up and ready. _Sonofabitch_, Sheppard's brain remarked. _These guys don't give up easy!_

"Lorne! Get Teyla and Jordan away from here!" Sheppard yelled at the Major, who swiftly obeyed his order, nearly pushing the women over in his haste. Sheppard fired at Mick, who was closer, and hit him squarely in the chest. Blood spurted from the bullet hole, spattering the cell bars and floor. Seeing this, Roger rushed forward, intending to knock Sheppard on his back, but Ronon hit him with a shot from his stunner, and the guard sank to the floor, unconscious. Gritting his teeth, Sheppard stepped over to Mick and stared down at him as he writhed on the floor. He pressed down on his chest with both hands, but they did little to stop the bleeding.

"I told you I'd kill you," Sheppard snarled, pressing the muzzle of Lorne's gun against the guard's temple.

"Please!" Mick begged, but Sheppard only pressed harder, and the guard cried out in pain.

"Sheppard?" Ronon asked, but the colonel didn't even twitch at his friend's voice. That disturbed him. What disturbed him more was the cold, half-dead look in the colonel's eyes.

"_Please_?" Sheppard laughed, a grating, empty sound. "She begged you to stop, but you wouldn't! Why should _I_?"

Mick didn't answer. He couldn't think of a reason good enough. Seeing this, Sheppard nodded and said, "Thought so."

Standing straight up again, he squeezed the trigger all the way back, not even blinking when the shot echoed loudly in his ears. Then, he turned on his heel and led the way out of the prison, glad that he would never have to see this place again.

Ronon followed Sheppard out into the afternoon sun, troubled at the way his friend had dispatched the guard. True, Ronon had killed quite a few Genii himself over the years; but never had he seen Sheppard's eyes so hard, so lifeless as he had a few moments ago. Though he was curious as to the reason for Sheppard's sudden lack of emotion, he decided to wait until they were all safe back at Atlantis to pursue the matter any further.

* * *

Sheppard walked into the infirmary for his post-mission (_More like post-kidnapping-and-torture_, he growled mentally) check-up, just in time to catch Jordan before she hurtled past him, screaming incoherently. As he wrapped his arms tightly around her, he glimpsed Dr. Jennifer Keller rushing toward them, a confused and somewhat frightened look on her face.

"What's going on?" He called over Jordan's cries. He had to readjust his grip a few times, as she was struggling against him as if her life depended on it. _And maybe_, a voice that wasn't quite his responded, _it was_.

"I don't know. She just freaked out," Keller replied, as she readied a needle full of sedative for Jordan. When the scientist saw the needle, her screams became more desperate, louder, and Sheppard knew that soon, she would begin to hyperventilate.

"Okay!" Sheppard yelled, dragging Jordan further away from the door. "Jordan, stop it!"

"Don't!" she screeched, her hands clawing at his wrists, leaving red scratches behind. "Please!"

That word again.

He almost did let her go, that single word had such a powerful gravity to it. But he didn't, he couldn't. If he let her out of his grasp, he would never see her again. He was somehow certain about that.

Trying to calm her down was hopeless, however; she just kept fighting him, trying to get away, like a wild animal suddenly sprung from a trap. And in a way, he figured that's exactly what she was. They'd been trapped, caged together and yet not quite, and completely at the mercy of their captors. Now, they were suddenly free, and poor Jordan just didn't know what to do with herself.

In a stroke of good luck, Sheppard managed to get her turned around in his arms, so that she was facing him, and he nodded for Keller to inject her with the sedative. Keller quickly found a spot on the back of Jordan's neck, and slid the needle into her skin.

It took a moment for the drugs to take effect, but when Jordan became drowsy enough, Sheppard carefully half-carried her to a bed, where he and Keller managed to get her situated on top of it. Her eyes fluttered closed a few seconds later, though her finger still clawed at his shirt, a last attempt to make him help her.

"I had a feeling this was gonna happen," Sheppard muttered as he untangled her hand and placed it on the bed. Frazzled by the experience, he ran a hand through his hair.

"Colonel?"

He looked up at Keller again, and let out a sigh. "The guards that were holding us on the planet did horrible things to her." She nodded in understanding, as he rubbed a sore spot on his leg, where Jordan had kicked him. "I had no idea she was that strong!"

"It must've been the adrenaline," Keller said, though she shot an amused look his way. He caught the look, and smiled sarcastically in return. "Anyway," she continued, "now that she's out, we can check her over."

"Let me know if anything pops up," he requested, and she nodded.

"Sure." Then, she narrowed her eyes at him. "Aren't you supposed to be getting looked at, as well?"

"Yeah," he replied, "but it could wait. I'm fine except for a few cuts and scrapes."

"Ah, I don't think so," she argued, pushing him lightly down onto a nearby bed. "I'll get Marie to check you out."

"Oh, she'll love that." Sheppard was quite aware of the nurse's attraction to him, and he dreaded the awkwardness that his exam was sure to involve.

Keller simply smiled at his discomfort. "Don't worry, Colonel. I'll make sure she doesn't grope you too much." With that, she motioned for him to pull off his shirt.

"Great," he mumbled, obeying her silent order. He knew that he was in for a long hour in the infirmary. Good thing he remembered those word games he'd been playing in his head, not more than a day ago.

* * *

When Jordan woke up, she was surprised to see Colonel Sheppard sitting in the chair beside her bed, with Teyla standing behind and to the left of him. He was flipping slowly through a car magazine, every now and then stopping to read an article or ad. Teyla was watching over his shoulder; though she didn't know what a "car" was, she admired the beautiful colors and designs painted on them. She happened to glance up once, and noticed Jordan's eyes had finally opened.

"Hello, Jordan," she said softly, and her greeting brought Sheppard's attention to the woman as well. He tossed the magazine onto another chair and leaned forward, a reassuring smile on his face.

"Hey. Welcome back," he added.

Jordan stared at them with an empty gaze, almost as if she didn't recognize them. Then, slowly, she asked, "What happened?"

Teyla and Sheppard exchanged glances, and the Athosian woman replied, "You became very upset while Dr. Keller was examining you, and tried to run away. Colonel Sheppard caught you, while Dr. Keller sedated you so you would not injure yourself."

Now, the events of the afternoon came rushing back to Jordan, and she heaved in a deep breath. "Yeah. I remember now. I was just so scared, and everything was happening so fast..."

"It's okay," Sheppard said then, "no one would blame you for acting the way you did." He sure as hell didn't.

"Did I hurt you?" She asked him, her eyes sweeping over his face, which sported a small white bandage near his forehead.

He grinned and leaned back in his chair. "Nah. My shin's a little sore, but that might've been from before."

Though she was quite sure he was lying – she could see a score of angry-looking scratches on his wrists – Jordan nodded and looked up at the ceiling, her mind going a mile a minute. She couldn't help but feel that she had frightened everyone by reacting so badly to being rescued. Dr. Keller had only been trying to help her, and she had responded to her kindness by running away. Or, trying to, anyway; if Sheppard hadn't been there and caught her, she wasn't really sure what would've happened. Even now, as she lay there thinking, the incredible urge to run away and hide was still there. It took all her strength just to keep still, to stay in the bed.

"I hate to say this, Colonel Sheppard," a voice suddenly said from behind Teyla, "but I need to check up on my patient."

Everyone turned, to see Dr. Keller standing there, her stethoscope swinging lightly in her hand and her freckled face holding an apologetic grin. Sheppard stood, nodding his understanding.

"No problem," he said, as Teyla also moved away from Jordan's bed. Shooting the doctor a meaningful stare, he added, "I'll be around the corner if you need me."

"Thank you, Colonel."

When Keller was alone with Jordan, she asked, "How are you feeling, Jordan?"

Jordan shrugged. "Okay. A little sore and tired, I guess."

"Well, that's understandable, under the circumstances. Any headaches, dizziness...?"

"No."

Keller took her vitals without incident, and made a few notes on her chart. Then, she sat down in the chair Sheppard had vacated. "Apart from the bumps and bruises, you seem to be on the mend, physically, so I'm going to release you from the infirmary."

Jordan nodded sedately. "Thank you, Doctor Keller." She sensed a "but" coming, and wasn't all too sure she wanted to hear it.

"But," – _ah, there it was_ – "judging by what happened earlier, I would recommend that you talk to someone. If Heightmeyer were still here, I would've sent you to her."

"I'll be fine," Jordan argued lightly, and she almost felt like she would be. "I just need some time to rest, and to think."

Keller shook her head, firm in her decision. "I'm sorry, but that's not enough. You've been subjected to severe emotional trauma. I can't let you go back to work without dealing with it."

Catching a glimpse of Sheppard from across the room, she suddenly got an idea. "Couldn't I talk to Colonel Sheppard?"

Keller shook her head again. "No. He was subjected to similar trauma. It won't help either of you to discuss it with one another. Not yet, anyway." She leaned forward, and put her hand on Jordan's shoulder. "For now, just go back to your room and get some rest. Maybe you can think of someone else to talk with when you're more relaxed."

Though she didn't really agree with Keller, Jordan nodded. The last thing she wanted to do was remember what happened on the planet. She wanted to move on with her life, to pretend that nothing bad had ever occurred to her. She needed to forget that guard's face, the feel of his dirty hands on her skin...

Pushing away the memory, and the nausea it induced, Jordan blinked and once more stared up at the ceiling.

"Okay," Keller said, standing up and collecting her equipment. "Teyla and the colonel can escort you to your quarters after you get dressed."

"Thanks again," Jordan replied, though she didn't move to look at the doctor. She felt the rush of air as Keller slid the curtain aside and left. A few moments later, she heard Keller's hushed voice as she explained the details of Jordan's discharge with Sheppard, as well as his similarly hushed reply.

Losing herself in thought again, Jordan tried to figure out who the best candidate for her "shrink" would be. Colonel Carter seemed to be a good choice – but then she wondered if Carter would have enough time to deal with her, on top of her responsibilities to all of Atlantis. No, Jordan decided, maybe she shouldn't bother her, after all. Teyla's face came to her next, but she knew that the Athosian would be off-world much of the time, and the rest of her time went to caring for Torren.

_Maybe Ronon?_ Her mind asked, and she immediately dismissed the thought. She was uneasy about him, since he seemed so gruff and well, he was a man. He wouldn't understand.

Sighing in frustration, Jordan sat up and grabbed her clothes from the table beside her bed. All she knew now was, she needed to get out of the infirmary, and the sooner, the better.

* * *

Teyla found Sheppard in the lounge, a pair of earphones stuck in his ears. His eyes were closed, and if his mouth hadn't been moving silently, she would've thought he was asleep. As it was, she was content to watch him for a while, an amused smile curving her lips as he mouthed along with whatever music he was listening to.

It was only when his eyes happened to flutter open, that he realized he was being watched. In one fluid motion, he managed to yank the earphones out and run his hand through his hair, clearing his throat in an awkward attempt to convince her that he actually had been dozing.

She knew better, of course, but decided not to bring that fact to light. Instead, she sank down beside him on the couch, her sympathetic gaze resting upon his wearied features.

"Why are you not asleep yet, John?" she asked, concern clear in her dark eyes.

Sheppard shrugged, setting his mp3 player on the coffee table before turning back to her. "Couldn't sleep."

Perceptively, she asked, "Are you still upset about your capture by the Genii?"

"More about Jordan's escape attempt," he replied, scrubbing a hand over his face. _He looked so tired,_ Teyla thought sadly, _so troubled_, but she wasn't sure if anything she said would help. Not one to give up without trying, however, she took a breath and forged ahead.

"She was merely afraid. You were both gone for a week, and endured many horrible things."

As he watched her, Sheppard became increasingly more agitated, though he wasn't sure why himself. Finally, he launched himself up from the couch to pace back and forth, his eyes a mixture of pain and anger.

"My torture was nothing compared to _hers_, Teyla!" he shouted at her. "You weren't there. You don't understand!"

Struggling to remain calm, she leveled her gaze at him. "Then help me understand."

At this, he stopped in his tracks, and lifted his eyes to meet hers. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, as if trying to figure out what to say, before his jaw finally snapped shut. He shook his head.

"I can't."

Teyla was reaching the end of her patience – he could see it in the flame that now burned beneath her seemingly-calm irises. Standing in front of him to keep him from resuming his solitary patrol of the room, she folded her arms over her chest.

"Why not?" She asked, her voice cool, unruffled.

"I...I just can't," he responded, suddenly realizing just how formidable the Athosian woman could be, and while it gave him pause, even after knowing her so long, he was also impressed. He also realized how pathetic he must've sounded, and it irritated him. The last thing he wanted was someone feeling sorry for him. If they wanted to pity someone, they should pity Jordan.

Her gaze hardened then, until it seemed her pupils had turned to obsidian. Again, she said, "Why not?"

Sheppard knew what she was doing, but he found he was helpless to stop himself from answering her.

"Because it was the most horrible, terrifying thing anyone should ever have to endure!" He blurted out, anger seething out of every inch of his body. "I had to sit there, powerless, while those guards hurt Jordan over and over. And Jordan, well," he grinned humorlessly, "all _she_ could do was scream for anyone to help her. For _me_ to help her. But I couldn't!"

When the last word had left his lips, all the fire that had filled him a moment ago escaped him, leaving only the fatigue and pain behind. He physically deflated, his knees bending as he sank back onto the couch, his head cradled in his hands.

Teyla had heard the self-loathing in his voice, and it broke her heart. Blinking away unshed tears, she took a moment to collect her thoughts before once again sitting beside him. Resting her hand on his shoulder, she quietly began, "I can not pretend to know what it felt like, for either of you. It must have been the hardest thing for you to experience, not being able to protect someone under your care, as you usually would."

He nodded, the lump in his throat so thick that it would not allow him to speak.

"However," Teyla continued, her tone even more gentle than before, "what happened to Jordan was not your fault. Nothing you could have done would have prevented what those men did."

Though Sheppard normally wasn't one to openly discuss his thoughts or feelings, the way she spoke seemed to open a door inside of him, and he found that not only could he not close it again, but that he didn't want to.

Turning his pain-filled gaze on her, he choked out, "Then why do I feel like I _helped_ them hurt her? Why do I have the uncontrollable urge to run away every time I see her?"

Teyla's mouth curled up into a sympathetic smile, soft and honest, and she patted his shoulder gently. "Because underneath your hardened military presence, you are a gentleman. I have known this from the evening we first met on my world."

Though his eyes remained haunted, he managed a small grin.

"You did?"

She nodded, grateful that at least for now, his depression had lifted.

"Yes," she replied. "And I also know, from the way Jordan looked to you for reassurance during our rescue of you, that she trusts you. Possibly, more than anyone else on Atlantis."

"At least more than Ronon," Sheppard mused, recalling the way Jordan had recoiled from the Satedan.

"In time, she will come to trust him, as well."

"Yeah," he whispered, suppressing a sudden yawn.

"Now," Teyla chuckled, playfully nudging him with her elbow, "you should get some rest."

He nudged her back, his entire being infinitely glad that she had found him, had pushed him to reveal what had been troubling him. Although his deepest doubts had not been fully resolved, it felt...good...to talk about them, especially with someone like Teyla. She understood the pressures and responsibilities a military leader faced, yet also possessed the empathy and honesty that usually only a woman could display.

"I will," he promised her, even as he knew he probably wouldn't. Every time he closed his eyes, Jordan's cries for help filled his ears, tormenting him until he finally got out of bed and wandered the halls of the city, letting its constant hum console him.

"Good. I will see you in the morning."

He nodded, still deep in thought. "Yep."

Lithely rising from the couch and stepping over to the doorway, she said, "Good night, John."

"Good night, Teyla."

Sheppard watched her leave, his mind screaming for her to come back, to keep him from being alone, but he didn't call after her. Instead, he covered his face with his hands, feeling the wave of guilt wash over him, carrying him away into its black depths.

* * *

_TBC..._

* * *

AN: Aww...poor Sheppy! I wonder what surprises lay in store? Just kidding...I already know, but you'll find out next chapter! Hope you're enjoying the story!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

When Ronon happened to stroll past the lounge the next morning, he was not surprised to see a familiar mess of dark hair leaning against the couch's headrest. Striding purposefully into the room, he reached down and shook his friend's shoulder, jostling him awake.

Sheppard's eyes flew open at once, searching angrily for the person who'd woken him so rudely. When he saw Ronon standing there, an amused smirk twitching his lips, he instantly relaxed.

"Hey, buddy," Sheppard greeted him, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He prayed to whoever was listening that he hadn't been snoring; if he had, Ronon would never let him live it down, and he'd also make certain that everyone else in the city knew about it as well.

"Hey," Ronon replied, his gaze both curious and calculating at once. "What's wrong with your bed?"

"Nothing. Just didn't feel like walking all the way down there, that's all."

Ronon lifted an eyebrow. "Uh-huh."

At his friend's response, Sheppard frowned petulantly. "What?"

Quickly tiring of messing with his friend, Ronon sighed and revealed the reason he'd come. "Teyla told me she hung out with you down here last night. Didn't think you'd actually go to bed, even though you told her you would." He shrugged. "Guess she was right."

_Damn_, Sheppard thought as he lazily stretched his sore leg muscles, like a cat waking from a nap. He wondered how much Teyla had told Ronon about their discussion, if she'd happened to mention anything about his shouting at her. He mentally chided himself. If there was one thing Teyla was not, it was a gossiper. She could keep one hell of a secret. _Look how long it took her to tell me she was having Torren._

Torren.

Thinking of the little guy usually made Sheppard happy, but not now. Now, there was only a hollow feeling as his mind repeated Torren's name, a sadness that he didn't want to admit was even there.

"Oh," was all he said in reply. Then, in an effort to change the subject, he asked, "What time is it?"

"Seven," Ronon answered, just as willing to let the former thread of conversation drop. He wasn't one to draw out verbal communication farther than it needed to go, and he could tell that Sheppard didn't want to talk about it anymore, either. That was fine with him, for the moment. Later...well, that was a different idea altogether.

Heaving out a sigh, Sheppard pushed himself up off the couch, his hand rubbing small circles at the back of his neck. It was slightly tight and sore; _most likely from sleeping sitting up_, his mind scolded. He told it to shut up, and for once, it obeyed.

"Gym?" Ronon asked.

Sheppard groaned. "I dunno, Ronon..."

"Okay, one," Ronon interrupted, placing his hand on Sheppard's chest to prevent him from escaping, "you've been putting me off for weeks. And two, it'll help clear your head. At least for a while." Before Sheppard could again refuse, he added, "And, I'll go extra-easy on you. Because of your injuries."

After another moment's thought, Sheppard finally nodded. "Okay," he said, "but if I get another cut on my pretty face, you'll be the one explaining it to Keller."

"No problem," Ronon agreed with a grin. As Sheppard turned around to lead the way, Ronon slapped him on his back.

Finally, he just might be getting his friend back.

* * *

When Teyla walked into the cafeteria, she found Jordan sitting at a table by the window, staring down into an empty coffee mug. Teyla quietly moved across the room until she stood beside Rodney's red-headed assistant.

"May I sit with you?" Teyla asked her.

Jordan looked up, startled. When she saw who had spoken, she smiled. "Sure."

Teyla slid into the chair to Jordan's left, and folded her hands in her lap.

"Couldn't sleep?" Jordan asked her, and she shook her head.

"I often find myself thinking too much, and cannot relax."

"Where's Torren?"

Teyla smiled. "He is being cared for by Major Lorne," she replied, "They are becoming great friends."

Jordan grinned. "Nothing brings out a man's childish side like a baby."

"That is certainly true around here." When Jordan's smile slipped from her face, Teyla cocked her head and said, "You seem to be troubled. Is there anything I can do to help?"

Jordan knew from her long – and often one-sided – talks with Rodney that Teyla was a good listener, honest but gentle, and that she had even helped him on a few occasions. She figured because of that, and because Teyla knew what it felt like to be kidnapped, she might be able to give her advice.

Blowing out a sigh, Jordan said, "I've been having nightmares lately."

"About the Genii?"

She nodded. "I can't get their faces out of my head. Especially the one who...attacked me."

Teyla leaned back, for once unsure of what to say. She had learned of the events that had taken place on the planet from Sheppard's mission report, and what had happened to Jordan had unsettled her more than she cared to admit. She thanked the ancestors that nothing like that had ever happened to her, and then strangely felt bad for it.

At last, she replied, "I know a little of how you feel. After I was taken by Michael, I had many nightmares about him. They were terrible, and eventually, they began to interfere with my duties." She sat forward and caught Jordan's eye. "Have you seen Doctor Keller about this?"

Jordan laughed then, catching Teyla by surprise. "Yes, and she prescribed me some sleeping pills, since I've been losing sleep."

"But you have not taken them, yet," Teyla replied knowingly.

"No, I haven't," Jordan agreed, sighing. "I was about to get ready for bed, but I realized that it was a waste of time. So, I've just been sitting here, thinking about something else."

Teyla didn't speak, because even though she was curious, she didn't want to pry into Jordan's personal life. Whatever Jordan wanted her to know, she would tell her in her own time; however much or little she told was also up to her.

After a moment, Jordan turned to stare at her, and said, "When I went in to talk to Keller about my nightmares, she told me she'd gotten some of my test results back."

Teyla nodded, silently waiting for her to continue.

"That Genii guard, the one Sheppard killed? He got me pregnant."

Teyla blinked, not wanting to believe that she'd heard her correctly. But the fear in Jordan's eyes was all too clear to her. Placing a hand over Jordan's, Teyla stared straight into her eyes.

"Have you spoken to Colonel Carter about it? Or Colonel Sheppard?"

"No. But I have a feeling Colonel Sheppard knows, anyway. Keller probably told him."

Teyla shook her head. "No. She would not tell him anything unless she had your permission. She has never betrayed the trust of a patient."

Jordan sighed. "Still, he's been acting strange lately. He keeps looking at me, like he wants to say something, but doesn't know how to begin."

Teyla smiled to herself, remembering how he had also done that with her. At the news of her pregnancy with Torren John, Sheppard had become increasingly awkward around her, until he simply stopped talking to her. While it had hurt that he'd treated her so coldly, she now understood his reasons for doing so. Put simply, he was afraid.

After chatting for a while longer about more mundane things, Teyla stood up and said, "I must get Torren from Major Lorne. He probably needs feeding, and the Major has duties to perform."

"You want to get some lunch later?" Jordan asked her. "It'll be breakfast time in two hours, so it's too late for that."

Teyla smiled. "That would be lovely."

"Okay." Before Teyla could walk away, Jordan put a hand on her arm. "And, Teyla?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks."

Teyla bowed her head once. "You are most welcome. And will you promise me something?"

Jordan shrugged. "Sure."

Teyla peered at Jordan with wide, brown eyes. "Speak with Colonel Sheppard. Or Carter."

Biting her lower lip, Jordan thought about that for a moment before nodding slowly. "Okay. I promise."

Satisfied with her answer, Teyla smiled softly, and then left the cafeteria.

* * *

Ronon and Sheppard sat in the lounge together, watching Sheppard's football tape for at least the fortieth time. Though Ronon still didn't quite understand the attraction of the game, he was just happy to be there with his best friend, having what Sheppard called "guy time".

Sheppard, however, seemed distracted. His eyes were on the screen, but he didn't seem to actually be watching it. Every once in a while, he uttered a heavy sigh and rubbed a hand through his hair.

Finally, Ronon decided to find out what was wrong. He grabbed the remote from the coffee table before them, clicked the TV off, and then tossed the remote onto the couch.

"Hey!" Sheppard cried, frowning. "I was watching that!"

Ronon crossed his arms over his chest. "No, you weren't." Realizing he'd been caught, Sheppard leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes as Ronon asked, "So what's up with you?"

"Nothin'. Just tired."

Ronon took a deep breath in. Though Sheppard was like a brother to him, he could sometimes also be a royal pain. Patiently, he said, "Something else is buggin' you. I noticed it when we came back for you. When you killed that guard."

Slowly, Sheppard sat up and locked his gaze on the Satedan. He'd known, subconsciously, that Ronon would be curious about his actions then, but he'd hoped that he wouldn't actually bring it up. Now, he knew he couldn't just pretend it hadn't happened.

"He deserved it," Sheppard explained simply, shrugging. _You really don't wanna go down this rabbit-hole, pal. You might never come out._

Ronon nodded. "Never said he didn't. I've just never seen you that...angry...before. You looked like you enjoyed killing him."

Not even blinking, Sheppard replied, "Maybe I _did_."

Though Sheppard's reply unsettled Ronon greatly, he merely stuck out his bottom lip in thought. Then, he asked, "What'd he do?"

Suddenly, Sheppard's eyes turned dark, and he shouted, "It doesn't matter!"

Now, Ronon was very worried. He waited until he saw that his friend had calmed down a little, and again said, "Sheppard. What. Did. He. Do?"

Realizing his anger was misdirected, Sheppard again sighed heavily leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. _Here it goes; you asked for it_. "At first, he and his buddy tortured me, claiming that we were searching for some weapon the townspeople knew about. For a day or so, they did a number on me, but I wouldn't tell them anything. Of course," he grinned humorlessly, "I didn't _know_ anything. Eventually, they figured that hurting me wasn't doing them any good. They decided that if they tortured Jordan, maybe I would tell them what they wanted to know, to keep her from being hurt."

Ronon nodded, wisely keeping silent as Sheppard continued.

"Anyway, at first, they smacked her around, stopping every once in a while to see if I changed my mind. They got tired of that after a while, though, so they left. That night, it was a different story."

Sheppard took a deep breath, the pain in his chest returning as he remembered everything – the sound of fabric tearing, the smell of dirt and blood mingling, the wailing screams ripped from Jordan's throat – and he nearly gagged. Ronon could see the hurt in Sheppard's eyes, and it made him angry to know that the Genii had caused it. Everything those guys touched seemed to break into pieces, and that included people.

In a near-whisper, Sheppard said, "I killed the guard because he raped Jordan. Five days in a row."

As soon as the words were out of his friend's mouth, Ronon felt his stomach drop into his feet, and he finally understood why Sheppard had been so full of revenge. He'd been forced to sit there, to watch and listen to all that...

"I promised myself," he heard Sheppard say, "that when we got out of there, I would find him and kill him. It was just dumb luck that he ended up walking in when we escaped."

Ronon nodded. "If I'd known, I'd have killed him myself."

Sheppard smiled. "I know." And he really did. He knew that Ronon hated the Genii almost as much as he despised the Wraith.

"You talked to Jordan since then?"

The colonel shook his head. "Nah. Every time I look at her, I feel so guilty. "

Ronon frowned. "Why? It wasn't your fault."

The stormy look was back, and this time, he stood up and began pacing. "But I should've helped her. I should've found a way to escape before it happened!"

Ronon also stood, and stared down at him. "Sheppard!"

He stopped pacing. "What?"

"You gotta stop beating yourself up about it."

Sheppard didn't reply, but began to walk the length of the room again. Then, he muttered, "I can't."

"Why not?" Ronon was really curious now. Sheppard's face suddenly looked like a kid's did when the lights went on, and his parents found him with his hand stuck in the cookie jar. Guilty – and something else, though Ronon couldn't place it.

"Because when I went into the infirmary for an update on things, I happened to catch a glance at Jordan's test results."

Confused, Ronon shrugged. "_And_?" He prompted.

Again, Sheppard stopped and gazed up at Ronon, his hazel eyes full of pain. "_And_...she's pregnant."

"What?" Ronon asked. Sheppard stared at him.

"You heard me," he stated flatly. "That Genii bastard got her pregnant."

"Well," Ronon replied, crossing his arms over his broad chest, "you can't let her know you know."

"I _know_," Sheppard agreed, "but it's knowing that's killing me!"

"I can tell."

"And for once, I really don't know what to do." He made a frustrated noise in his throat, and went back to pacing.

Ronon watched him silently for a while, wondering how long it would take for him to wear a hole in the floor. Then, he shrugged and said, "Maybe she'll tell _you_."

Sheppard barked out a laugh. "No," he replied, "she won't."

"How d'you figure that?"

"Because I just do. How long did it take Teyla to tell me she was pregnant with Torren?"

Ronon had to admit, Sheppard had a point there. "That was different."

Sheppard gazed up at him again, his hazel eyes wide. "Exactly my point! She had a _relationship_ with Kanaan."

"Still," Ronon said, tiring of standing there and flopping back down onto the couch, "you and Jordan were together when it happened. Even if you couldn't help her physically, just knowing you were there had to help."

Sheppard thought about that for a while. "I don't know," he said at last, "I mean, I know it wasn't my fault, that I couldn't have helped her if I wanted to. But I think somewhere deep down, she must blame me. I could've told them anything just to get them to stop, but I didn't."

Sighing, Ronon replied, "But if they went where you told them to go, and there was nothing there..."

"Yeah, yeah," Sheppard nodded, knowing where Ronon was going with his thought. "They would've come back even angrier, and hurt her worse. Or killed her. I know that."

"So then stop thinking about the what-ifs," Ronon chided, "and try talking to her again."

"What if she won't talk to _me_?"

Ronon shrugged. "Then at least you tried. Something tells me she wants to talk to you. She's just afraid to."

Sheppard gazed at him, confused. "Afraid? Why?"

"Probably a hundred reasons." He started counting off on his fingers as he spoke, "You're a man, you're the military leader here, you're..."

"Okay, I got it," Sheppard interrupted him. Finally, he stopped pacing, and sat down next to Ronon, once more leaning his head back against the couch. As he stared at the ceiling above them, he said, "I guess I'll try talking to her."

"Good." Then, he changed the subject. "You wanna go spar for a while?"

Sheppard chuckled. "And get my ass kicked all over the gym? No, thanks."

Ronon chuckled as well. "Suit yourself. But you still owe me."

"Yeah, okay."

Ronon stood up and walked toward the doorway. When he was halfway out, he turned around to glimpse at his friend one last time. Sheppard was still resting there, his head nestled against the back of the couch. Ronon shook his head sadly, understanding only a little of what the colonel was going through, and then left for the gym.

* * *

Jordan sat in the cafeteria, a cup of cocoa growing cold between her hands. She was the only person in the room, and though she wasn't normally an anti-social person, this time she was glad to be alone. Sighing heavily, she glanced out the window at the dark night beyond, suddenly feeling lost and empty inside. It had been two weeks since she and Sheppard had been rescued from the Genii, and though she tried to forget about the ordeal, she found it was impossible. The nightmares were becoming unbearable; most of the time she ended up getting out of bed and coming down here, hoping that maybe she'd be able to escape from her thoughts for a while.

However, that hadn't been the case tonight. All she'd been doing the entire time was thinking. Recently, a sick feeling had begun to churn in her gut, and she was forced to take deep, calming breaths until it subsided. Eventually, it did, but it was always there, pressing just enough on her stomach to keep her feeling uneasy.

Suddenly, Jordan was aware of a presence nearby. She looked up, and was somehow not surprised to see Colonel Sheppard standing there, with a look on his face that puzzled her.

"Colonel?" She said, raising her eyebrow quizzically.

"Hey," he replied, "could I join you?"

"Of course."

He sat down across from her, setting two mugs down on the table between them. When she eyed the one closer to her, she was surprised to find that it contained hot cocoa, not coffee. She looked back up at Sheppard, who shrugged and said, "I figured you might need a refill."

She smiled softly. "Thanks."

They sat in silence for a while, each drinking from their mugs and staring out the window, though neither could actually see anything. Finally, Sheppard cleared his throat and began, "So, uh, I just came from the infirmary."

Panic rose in Jordan's chest, but she forced herself to remain calm on the outside. "Yeah?" She took another swallow of her cocoa.

"Dr. Keller told me you've been having nightmares."

"Yep."

Sheppard leaned back in his chair, crossing his ankles under the table. "How're you feeling now?"

Jordan shrugged. "Okay, I guess. A little tired, but the sleeping pills Keller gave me should fix that." She shot him a curious look. "What about you?"

"I'm okay. Tired, but that comes with the territory."

She nodded. They fell silent again, and Jordan tried to avoid his perceptive gaze, finally settling her vision on an empty table nearby. Sheppard watched her face, trying to think of a good way to say what he wanted to, but not finding any. Truthfully, he felt as nervous as Jordan seemed, and he scolded himself for it. He was the military commander of Atlantis, for crying out loud; he was usually never one to dance around an issue.

"Listen," he finally began, and Jordan's gaze snapped to his face. "I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" She asked. Sheppard nodded. "For what?"

He sighed and sat forward again, wrapping both hands around his coffee. "For not being able to help you when..." he trailed off, not wanting to speak of the horrors she'd endured at the hands of the Genii.

Jordan smiled humorlessly, and he knew that even though he hadn't spoken the words aloud, she'd finished the thought for him. She leaned forward as well, and replied, "It's not your fault. You were in a cell, too."

Sheppard nodded, a grim look on his face. "I know. But I was _there_. I heard you begging for help."

At that, her brown eyes began to tear up, but her lips set into a firm line. Blinking rapidly to clear away the tears, she repeated, "It wasn't your fault."

Sheppard's piercing gaze bored into her. "Still..."

Just then, his radio clicked, and Carter's voice called his name. _Dammit_. Couldn't everyone just leave him alone for an hour, at least? Tossing an apologetic look at Jordan, he tapped it and answered, "Sheppard here."

"I need you in my office for a minute."

Though he was tempted to make a sarcastic comment, he merely replied, "On my way up," and clicked the radio back off. He pushed his chair away from the table and stood up.

"Sorry, Jordan," he said to her, and she nodded.

"It's okay. I should go get some rest, anyway."

"Yes," he grinned, "you should."

With a final glance at her, Sheppard left the cafeteria and headed toward Carter's office. Jordan watched him leave, feeling even more lost than before.

* * *

_TBC..._


	4. Chapter 4

_AN: WARNING! Possible abuse trigger ahead! Read at your own risk!_

_Now that that's out of the way...hope you're all enjoying so far! This might be a short story (that'd be a first), it might not. Depends on how the muse with the lopsided grin and gray-green eyes speaks to me! R&R as usual! Please?_

* * *

Chapter 4

Jordan opened her eyes, and found that she was back in her cell. A dim torch flickered somewhere nearby, and the air smelled dank and moldy. She looked down at her hands, and saw that they were dirty, her nails torn and ragged. Her red hair hung in damp curls around her shoulders, clinging uncomfortably to her neck. Blood trickled sluggishly down her left temple, slipping all the way down to her collarbone. She looked to her left, expecting Sheppard to be there, but strangely, the cell beside hers was empty. _Oh, God, no!_ her mind screamed. _Please, no! _The worst part of her capture wasn't the torture, she realized in that moment, and it wasn't the pain. It was the fear of being alone.

A few moments later, she heard the sound of a door opening, and then footsteps coming toward her. Both curious and afraid, she tucked her knees under her chin and watched the space in front of her cell.

It was _him_.

A strangled cry escaped Jordan's throat. She rushed to the back of the cell, pressing her body as far as she could into the corner as he opened the door and stepped inside. He stank of dirt and sweat, and his short, dark hair was little more than an oil slick. Swallowing against the bile that threatened to choke her, she wrapped her arms around herself, even as she knew it would do no good. The guard grabbed her wrists and yanked her away from the wall, his face so close that his nose nearly touched hers. With an ugly sneer, he threw her down to the floor and knelt over her, using one hand to pin her hands over her head. His other hand went to his belt, and as he began to unbuckle it, she started to scream for help. Her cries echoed off the empty walls, and now, she couldn't seem to stop. She was on the verge of laughing and crying at the same time, wondering silently if this was what it was like to go insane.

As he began to tear at her clothes, roughly grabbing her hips and breasts, Jordan turned her head away, only to catch movement out of the corner of her eye. Focusing her gaze beyond the guard, she could just make out the form of someone standing near the cell door. When the guard's head moved to the side a little, she found that she recognized the person in the doorway, and she gasped in surprise.

"Colonel Sheppard!" She called. "Please, help me!"

Sheppard stepped forward and stared down into her eyes, and the empty gaze she saw there forced panic to rise into her throat. Then, he grinned widely and crossed his arms over his chest, watching in amusement as the guard attacked her.

Horrified, Jordan closed her eyes. Realizing that she was indeed on her own, she began to strike out at the guard, feeling a deep satisfaction when she heard her fist connect with his jaw. But her joy was short-lived, as she soon found her wrists being held down again; by the tang of cologne that filled her nostrils, she could tell that this time, it was Sheppard pinning her down. She was tempted to open her eyes and find out for sure, but she was more afraid to actually see him there, helping the guard as he forced himself on her. Now sure that she was beginning to go crazy, she screamed at the top of her lungs, thrashing her torso around as best she could to delay the inevitable.

"Stop it, Hayes!" She heard Sheppard yelling at her, but she only shook her head and fought harder. The weight on top of her body was unbearable, crushing her. She could barely breathe, and rivulets of sweat were now dripping down her chest and back, tickling her skin.

"Jordan, dammit, open your eyes!" He ordered, and her brown eyes flew open, seemingly of their own accord. When they focused, she found that she was not in the cell, but in her room on Atlantis, though she'd somehow gotten onto the floor instead of her bed. Sheppard was almost completely on top of her, his strong hands holding her wrists against her chest. He was breathing heavily, as if he'd run a marathon, and a light sheen of sweat glistened on his forehead.

When he realized that Jordan had stopped struggling, Sheppard quickly slid off of her, choosing instead to kneel beside her. She watched him closely, the fear of her dream still hovering over her mind.

"Another nightmare?" He asked her, rubbing his hand over his forehead and then wiping it on his t-shirt.

She nodded. "Yeah."

He moved to help her up, but her eyes grew wild again, and he drew back as Jordan suddenly jumped up and ran into her bathroom, just managing to reach the toilet before she vomited intensely. The door was still wide open, and Sheppard could see her kneeling in front of the bowl, her stomach emptying itself of its contents. His eyes sliding closed in sadness for her, he debated with himself on whether he should go in there with her. After only a moment's thought, he cautiously stepped over to the bathroom and stood behind her, his hands gently pulling her hair back from her face. Her neck was dotted with sweat which was already turning cold in the air-conditioned room, and it dampened her locks just enough so that they started to curl softly at the ends.

When she was finished, she allowed him to help her stand in front of the sink, so she could splash some cool water on her face. Sheppard stood by the door, silently watching her, as she filled her hands with water and pressed them against her skin. Then, she filled just one hand and brought it to her lips, drinking the cool liquid and simultaneously hoping her stomach had indeed settled down again.

When she noticed Sheppard watching her, she asked, "So, what are you doing in here, anyway?"

Sheppard smiled softly in reply. "Well," he drawled, "someone heard you screaming bloody-murder, and asked if someone _else_ could come check on you. I was the only one available."

Jordan blushed, embarrassed. "Sorry."

"Hey," he said, now feeling it was safe enough to move closer to her, "no need to apologize. Stuff happens."

She returned the smile, but didn't reply. She stood in front of him until he figured out that she wanted him to move, and he submitted, stepping to the side so she could exit the bathroom. He followed her back into the sleeping area, his eyes carefully watching her in case she fell ill again, but no such thing happened. Jordan eased down onto her soft mattress and sighed, ready to die of embarrassment. John Sheppard, the man every woman dreamed of having in their bedroom, had seen her throw up. _No_, she thought to herself, _he didn't just __see__ me. He held my hair back while I threw up. Can't get any more awkward than that, can it?_

She looked away from him, suddenly uncomfortable under his watchful gaze, but he caught the uneasiness in her eyes. Carefully placing his hand on her forearm, he asked, "Are you okay?"

Jordan shrugged. "I dunno." Though he said nothing, his eyes prodded her to explain. Taking a breath to calm herself, she continued, "I was dreaming about the Genii again, but this time, someone else was there, helping the guard pin me down."

"Who?"

Suddenly, her gaze swept up to his face. Almost in a whisper, she replied, "You."

Sheppard was stunned. "Me?" He asked incredulously, his mind conjuring up its own images at the thought. She nodded. "Jordan, I would never –"

"I know," she said quickly, "I guess my mind was just messing with me, you know?"

They fell silent for a while, and Jordan felt comforted by his mere presence, even after her nightmare and subsequent sickness. This fact surprised her, but she was glad for it.

"My stomach's feeling okay now. You can go back to bed, if you want."

"Well, actually," he began, "I haven't been to bed, yet."

She looked down at his clothes – his uniform, to be more accurate – and realized he was telling the truth. She knew from seeing him around the city some nights, that he favored sleeping in sweat pants and a t-shirt. She wondered for a moment if he ever slept in just the pants, then pushed the thought away, before she strayed into deeper waters.

"Anyway," he continued, "I was wondering if you wanted to take a little walk with me, out on the balcony." As if to tempt her into agreeing, he added, "It's a clear night. Lots of stars out."

Tired, but too curious to refuse, she replied, "Okay."

She grabbed a sweater from a nearby chair, and walked beside him down the halls until they reached the balcony circling the tower that had been designated for crew quarters. Once outside, Sheppard walked to the railing and rested both hands on it, staring up at the dark sky. Just as he'd said, millions of stars dotted the black expanse, casting their brilliant light onto the sea below. Jordan came to stand beside him, admiring the sight as much as he did.

"I know you probably have to be up early for Rodney," he said quietly, "but I needed to talk to you about something."

Something in his tone made her nervous. Her mouth suddenly went dry, and she only nodded in reply.

"Remember when I told you that I'd been to see Dr. Keller yesterday?" He asked.

Another nod.

"Well, when I was there, I happened to see something I wasn't supposed to."

Her eyes grew wide. Gripping the railing so hard her knuckles whitened, she asked, "What was it?"

Sheppard took a deep breath. He knew that no matter how he said this, she would most likely get angry; but he couldn't stop now, he had to tell her what was bothering him.

"Your test results." He heard her sharp intake of breath, but went on before he lost his nerve. "I know that you're..." at first, he couldn't seem to make his mouth form the word. Something about the simple, two-syllable word always tied up his tongue, yet none of the other terms for it seemed to fit right. Finally, he forced his lips to say it. "...pregnant."

Though he dreaded her reaction, he turned to look at her. Jordan's eyes registered a range of emotions, before settling on fear, which puzzled him. She gazed again over the water, and murmured, "So what do you want me to do?"

Still confused, Sheppard asked, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you're the military leader of this expedition. Between you and Carter, everything that happens here is pretty much subject to your decision. If you think that my being pregnant will in any way compromise the city –"

Holding up a hand to silence her, he replied, "That's not a concern, Jordan. I..." he sighed. "Listen, what you do in this case is none of my business. I just wanted you to know, that whatever you decide, I'll help you. In any way I can."

Jordan stared at him, awed by his gentle response. She considered his words carefully before replying, "I'm not sure what to do. It hurts to know the circumstances behind the pregnancy, but I don't think I can punish the baby for it." Her eyes full of unshed tears, she asked, "What should I do?"

Sheppard covered her hand with his, and said, "I can't tell you that. All I want you to know is that you're not alone. And I'll be here, when and if you need me."

"But why?" She asked, drawing another puzzled look from him. When he couldn't answer, she pulled her hand away and hugged her arms around herself. "Is it because you feel guilty about not being able to help me when that guard raped me?"

Sheppard was taken aback. "What? Of course not!"

She glared at him. "Then why? A month ago, you barely even knew I existed. Now, you're practically offering to be my breathing coach!"

"Look..." he began, but she shook her head.

"No, _you_ look. I'm sick of everyone treating me like I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown or something! Yes, something very bad happened to me, and when I first came back to Atlantis, I had a rough time. And yes, it still gives me nightmares so bad that I apparently wake up half the city and puke my guts out; but I will be fine, especially if everyone stops asking me if I'm okay!"

Sheppard listened to her, growing more agitated by the second. His jaw was clenched tight, and he could feel the beginning of a migraine forming at the base of his skull. Still, he wasn't about to give up just yet. Taking a step toward her, he asked, "Are you done?"

Her eyes stared daggers at him, but she merely replied, "Yeah."

He nodded. "Good. Now, maybe I can tell you what I was going to, before you went off like a rocket." Sufficiently chastened, Jordan relaxed her arms, once more leaning against the balcony's railing. Sheppard took his spot beside her again, though he now turned to face her rather than the ocean. His face held a trace of a smile, but his eyes betrayed the tangle of emotions he felt within.

"I was gonna say, that when Teyla told me about Torren, I handled the news badly. I was scared, and to be honest, a little jealous."

"Jealous?" Jordan asked.

"Yeah." He grinned ruefully. "My wife and I divorced a few years ago. I always wanted a family, I just wasn't good at finding the time to have one. And then, I came here, leaving any chance at a family back on Earth. When Teyla came to tell me she was going to have the one thing I always wanted, I felt...cheated, I guess. I was scared because she was part of my team, and I didn't want anything to happen to either her, or the baby."

"Which is understandable," she agreed.

"Yeah, but the way I handled it wasn't. I gave her a pretty wide berth, figuring that it was what she wanted. But I missed out on so much, so many things she probably wanted every member of the team to share in." Moving closer to stare into her eyes, he added, "I don't want that to happen again."

Once more truly touched by his words, Jordan allowed her tears to spill over, tracking slowly down her cheeks. Feeling like an idiot for ever doubting his motives, she hung her head and said, "I'm so sorry, Colonel. I just –"

Gently, he pulled her into his arms, smiling when he felt her hands wrap around him in return. "I know," he whispered into her hair. "It's gonna be okay."

* * *

Rodney was upset.

Jordan was late coming in to work, by almost a half-hour; but that wasn't why he was practically seething. He was mad, simply because a problem had come up with one of the naquada generators. It wasn't outputting power the way it was supposed to, and as a result, his lab was in the dark. Luckily, he'd been able to rig up a few back-up lights, fiddled with the power outputs of the other three generators, and kept all essential systems running. But he was definitely still pissed off.

When Jordan finally got into the lab, Rodney muttered "hello" to her, and pretty much ignored her for an hour or two afterward. It was only when she slunk off to get him a cup of coffee – full strength, of course – from the mess hall that he actually acknowledged her presence.

"Thank you, Jordan," he said to her, a small smile reaching his mouth. "You look tired."

Jordan nodded. "Yeah. Just didn't sleep well last night."

"Mm," he replied with a nod. "I heard the, uh, call someone made last night. Thought you were in trouble. Everything ok?"

She smiled at him. Though he was usually stingy with his emotions, she could tell that now, he was genuinely concerned. "Yep. I was having a nightmare, that's all."

Rodney nodded again. "You and me both. Of course, mine probably wasn't as terrifying as yours, but still, I woke up with my pillow clutched to my chest and my…"

"Dr. McKay?" She interrupted. If she hadn't, he would've droned on for years. "Can I ask you a question?"

Rodney stopped, and then replied, "Sure."

Jordan flopped down onto her bar-stool-like chair, and rested her elbows on the lab counter. She clasped her hands together, closely inspecting her close-bitten fingernails, and said, "You know, when I was in that cell, I honestly didn't think I'd ever see this place again. Colonel Sheppard kept telling me you guys would come back for us, and I wanted to believe him, I really did."

Rodney nodded, uncharacteristically silent for once.

"And then, you _did_ come, and even though I was glad, I was suddenly afraid to go with you. It was like I had convinced myself that I was gonna die in that prison, and when you showed up, I thought I was dreaming, that pretty soon, the guards would come back and wake me up."

"Pretty normal for something like that, I would suppose," Rodney said then, before taking a swig of his coffee. "So what's your question?"

She shrugged. "I guess my question is, has that ever happened to you?"

He frowned. "Uh, not exactly. But when Kolya and his troops took over the city a few years back, I admit I entertained similar thoughts of dying. The thing was, though, that I work fairly well under pressure, and thanks to me and Colonel Sheppard, the situation was brought back under control."

She smiled at his thinly-veiled sense of self-importance. She'd expected that from him. What she didn't expect was what he said next.

"When we got back to Atlantis and realized you and Sheppard weren't behind us, we were all very worried for the both of you. _I_ was worried."

Her eyes wide, she said, "You were?"

Rodney blushed. "Yes, well…you're very helpful around here. More so than Zelenka…" he trailed off, but it was too late; he'd already revealed more than he'd ever thought possible.

"Thanks, Dr. McKay," she replied softly, and he smiled at her.

"Rodney. Just…call me Rodney. We _are_ coworkers, you know."

"Okay. Thanks, Rodney."

"Oh," he said then, recalling something else, "there's a bit of a rumor floating around that I thought you should know about."

She narrowed her gaze at him. "Rumor?"

"Mm-hmm." A smug grin had settled onto his features. He was proud to know this little tidbit, either because he'd started it, or because he was just happy to be passing it around.

Jordan sighed. "Okay, you got me interested. What is it?"

"Just that you and Colonel Sheppard have something going on."

Confused, she only stared at him. "What do you mean? Like, a 'relationship', or something?"

Rodney nodded. "Exactly like a relationship."

"And who did you hear this from?" She was still confused, but now, anger had found its way into the mix.

"Cadman. She swore me to secrecy, nearly made me pinky-swear – odd woman – but I thought since it concerned you…well, you should know."

Reigning in her anger, she blinked and asked, "What makes her think…?"

Rodney interjected, his voice now almost giddy. "Seems the two of you were spotted on the balcony last night. Hugging."

Jordan shook her head. She'd known at that very moment, when Sheppard had wrapped his arms around her under the stars, that someone would see them. But she hadn't cared. Their embrace had only the slightest romantic overtone to it; it had felt more like two very close friends hugging after a heart-to-heart talk. Sure, she'd been tempted to turn her face up to his, to press her lips against his mouth, she'd be a liar if she said she wasn't. But that was as far as it went. Two friends.

Smiling, she said aloud, "Well, I can tell you, that the colonel and I are only friends, nothing more."

"Oh, I believe you," Rodney replied, and she could tell that he did. "I just wanted you to know in case people…look at you weird or something."

"Well, thank you, Rodney. It was nice of you to tell me."

"No problem." He went to drink from his coffee mug again, but realized it was empty.

Faking a wearied sigh, Jordan held out her hand for the mug. "I'll be right back."

Rather sheepishly, Rodney asked, "Could you bring me back something to eat? Because of the problem with the generator, I never got breakfast."

"Of course." Grinning wickedly, she wondered aloud, "Maybe they'll have those nice lemon pastries…"

He mimicked a fish for a moment, and Jordan burst out laughing. "Just kidding. I'll go see what they've got for someone with a citrus allergy."

Before he could say anything in reply, she disappeared into the hallway, her soft laughter floating back to him.

* * *

_TBC..._


	5. Chapter 5

_AN: So, this chapter happens about 2 1/2 months after Shep and Jordan were rescued, in case anyone gets confused. And next chapter, she gets to work out her fear/nervousness around Ronon, and they kinda bond a little. Cuz Ronon's awesome...LOL...R&R as usual...I get great ideas from everyone, so...yeah. Enjoy!_

* * *

Chapter 5

Teyla was meditating in the gym. Her legs were crossed under her, her ankles tucked beneath each thigh. Her hands rested on her knees, the thumb and forefinger on each hand lightly touching. As she took a breath in, she was vaguely aware that the gym doors had hissed open, that someone had entered the room, but for the moment, she ignored them. She was lost in thought, concentrating on a single problem that had been troubling her and trying to work out the best solution to it.

The person who had come in sat on the floor near Teyla's right side, waiting considerately until she acknowledged them. She knew at once who it was. The sharp – yet pleasant – tang of cologne reached her nose, but even without that, she would've known. The man seated beside her just had a certain…_what is the word I am looking for?_...presence. _Yes, that is it_. A presence, like how one can tell when a thunderstorm is coming, even before they see a single cloud.

Teyla slowly opened her eyes, exhaling quietly. Her neck was a little stiff, so she carefully tilted it to the side, stretching her muscles. Just as she thought, John Sheppard sat beside her, his legs crossed in a similar fashion to hers. His hands, however, were splayed out behind him, supporting his weight.

"Hello, John," she said in a soft murmur, not wanting to disturb the silence of the room. She didn't face him just yet, only looked straight ahead at the doors, which had since closed again.

"Hey, Teyla," Sheppard's voice said, and when she did finally look at him, she saw that his eyes were closed. This puzzled her; Sheppard almost never meditated with her – he claimed that it was a waste of time, that his mind could never sit still long enough for it to do any good.

She was about to ask him about his change of heart, when he spoke first.

"I have a problem," he said.

"Yes?"

"Every time I try to sleep, I hear…" he trailed off, sighing in a deep breath. "I can't get it out of my head, Teyla. Everything that happened in that prison."

Though he couldn't see her, she nodded. They'd discussed this once before – months ago, in fact – but even then, she'd known that it was far from over. Things like that never did.

"I keep hearing her screaming. And then it all goes in fast-forward, and stops again when it comes to the guard laying on the ground, when I'm pointing the gun at him."

His eyes flew open, and he stared almost blankly at her. "I felt cold all over – there were actually goose-bumps on my arms – and then, nothing. I remember the way he said 'please', begging for his life. And my mind went red. I thought of what he'd done to us – to Jordan – and I just…snapped."

His voice lowered a few decibels. "I _murdered_ him, Teyla."

She let his words sink into her mind, her eyes never moving from his. Then, she carefully said, "You did what you felt was right."

He threw his head back and barked a laugh. "No. I knew it wasn't right. He was already shot once, in the chest. He wasn't going anywhere. I killed him out of revenge. I knew it then, and I know it now. I was his judge and executioner."

"But –"she began, but he held up his hand to stop her.

"I know what you're going to say…that he probably would've died anyway, that I gave him a swifter, easier death…but the fact remains that I killed him, simply because he hurt someone I care about."

"So, do you now regret your actions?" Teyla asked, though she already knew what his answer would be. She was his external conscience, asking him the same questions he asked himself, only now, he was forced to answer them rather than change the subject.

"No. I mean…" he sat forward and ran a hand through his hair. More stray tufts seemed to pop up as he did so, and she controlled the urge to smile at them. "He did horrible things to her. He beat her, he…" he couldn't bring himself to finish the thought, but Teyla's mind filled it in anyway, "I just feel like…"

"Like you took the opportunity for justice away from Jordan, rather taking it upon yourself to see him punished?"

Sheppard's eyes widened at that, and he nodded. "Exactly."

Teyla nodded in return. "You feel as if you cheated her out of her revenge, now that the guard is dead."

"Yeah. And I don't know what to do about it. I can't bring the guy back so _she_ can shoot him, you know."

"That is true," she agreed. "Have you spoken to Jordan about how you feel?"

For a brief moment, his heart began to race out of control. _How did she know?_ He asked himself. Then, he realized she was talking about how he felt about the guard, and he shook his head. "I don't wanna bring this up to her again. It's been so long since it happened, and I bet she wants to put it as far out of her mind as possible. I can still see the pain in her eyes, the mistrust she feels every time a man walks by…"

"Except for you and Rodney," she corrected, and he nodded.

"Yeah, well…Rodney's good friends with her. As for me, well, I was there. It's like we kinda bonded or something over it."

At this, Teyla's eyebrow raised curiously. Slyly, she asked, "John, is there something…between you and Jordan?"

She thought that he blushed for a second, but it could've been the relative warmth of the gym acting on him, instead. Then, he replied, "Of course not. Why?"

Teyla smiled, remembering something Rodney had told her earlier. "Some people seem to think there may be."

"What?" He asked, genuinely confused. "Why?"

"There have been a few rumors circulating about the two of you."

His mind wheeled back in time, trying to figure out if he'd ever given anyone a reason to start a rumor. When it finally happened upon his conversation with Jordan on the balcony, almost two months ago, he nodded in understanding.

"Oh." He grinned, the humor of it all not lost on him. "We hugged once. And I went to her latest check-up with Keller. But that's it."

Though the mischievous glitter still hung in her eyes, she merely replied, "Of course."

"I mean, I don't deny that I might…like her, a _lot_," he went on, spurred by the knowledge that though she might listen to rumors, Teyla was never one to pass them around. "But you know how it gets around here. It's quiet now, but it won't always be that way. Besides, I don't think she feels anything for me. We're friends. That's all."

Teyla frowned at him. For such a confident leader, he sure didn't seem to have a lot of that same confidence when it came to relationships. He also appeared to be quite blind to Jordan's obvious attraction to him, though he was usually all too aware of his effect on women. Teyla had caught many of the ladies on Atlantis staring after him as he jogged through the halls, or as he walked by their table in the cafeteria. She'd even spied Colonel Carter watching him longer than usual.

"John," she began, but he cut her off again, and she sighed in frustration.

"And, she's carrying someone else's baby," he reminded her, though it was far from necessary. She couldn't deny that when she'd been pregnant with Torren, she had been torn between her feelings for Sheppard, and her love for Kanaan. It had caused many sleepless nights for her, wondering if she was making the right decision. Sometimes, she still wondered…

But now, looking at him, she knew she had. No matter how he tried to say otherwise, Sheppard was in love with Jordan Hayes. _He probably does not even realize it himself_, she mused. _He thinks they are only close because of what happened to them_.

"That does not matter," she heard herself say. "If you truly care for her, you should tell her."

Sheppard sighed. "I know." And he did know, he just wasn't sure it would do any good. When Teyla slowly unfolded her legs and got to her feet, he followed her lead, coming to stand beside her. She gave him a small smile, then put her hands on his shoulders and lightly touched his forehead.

When she moved away again, she said, "I must go. I am meeting Ronon and Rodney for lunch." An idea hit her then. "Perhaps you could join us?"

He shook his head. "Nah. I've got some stuff to do right now. But you guys have fun."

"All right," she replied, managing to hide her disappointment. She'd hoped that he would allow himself to unwind, to be among friends for a while. Lately, he'd found any excuse to hole up in either his room or his office, and it bothered her. He was acting like a wounded animal, hiding away from the attention of the world.

Giving him one last, encouraging smile, she swept out of the gym.

After she'd disappeared from his sight, he continued to stand in the middle of the empty room, his thoughts swirling around him. Teyla had been right, of course. It was okay to make little hints about your affections when you were in grade school. "Do you like me? Check yes or no." _But you're not in school now, John_, he scolded. _You're a grown man. Stop dancing around the mulberry bush and get it over with._

But then, the less rational side of him came forward. _**She'll check "no"**_**, **it said**. **_**And then, she'll laugh in your face**_**.**

The voice was right_,_ he decided. It was too risky.

_So what're you going to do?_ The rational side asked then. _Wait around and hope she proclaims her love for you?_

_**Why not?**_ That sounded easier than being rejected. Much easier.

_What if she never does? _

_**Then I'll be happy with being her good friend**_.

_Forever?_

_**If I have to, yes.**_ _**Now**_, he thought to both sides, _**kindly shut the hell up.**_

Surprisingly, the argument stopped immediately, and he suddenly felt very tired. Sheppard stepped over to the door, and when it slid open for him, he left the gym. He just hoped that when he got to his room, he'd actually be able to sleep this time.

Unfortunately, that was just the moment when he heard Rodney calling for a medical team. His heart racing, he changed direction without thinking, running for Rodney's lab.

* * *

When Sheppard skidded into the room Rodney called his "Fortress of Solitude", the first sight to reach his eyes was Rodney himself. He was slumped in a chair looking slightly pale, but otherwise okay. Thinking McKay had simply shocked himself with a piece of equipment, he was about to breathe a sigh of relief when a medical tech moved, revealing a prone body about ten feet in front of where Sheppard stood.

"Jordan?" He whispered, his heart speeding up even more, threatening to pull itself free of his chest. His legs suddenly didn't want to work anymore, and he had to force himself to lurch forward through the tangle of medics and military personnel, until he reached her. Dropping down on one knee, he elbowed a medic aside – Grimes, he thought his name was – and slid one arm under Jordan's legs. He pushed his other one under her shoulders and lifted her in one easy motion, at first unsure of where he was supposed to be taking her. It was as if his short-term memory had simply decided to shut off without warning.

"She wouldn't wake up," Rodney stated miserably from somewhere behind him. He felt bad for Rodney, who must've been scared beyond belief, but he was more worried for the woman in his arms.

"Colonel Sheppard!" Keller suddenly shouted at him, and rushed through the doorway from the hall, where she'd been trying to quickly assure Colonel Carter that she'd fill her in on what had happened just as soon as she knew herself.

Sheppard saw only the top of Keller's reddish hair as she swam through the crowd that had gathered to help, and the sight of her grounded him, reminding him of what to do. _The infirmary_, his brain screamed at him. _Get moving_!

"Go!" He told her when he could finally see more of her face, and she nodded immediately. As she turned back around, Sheppard shifted Jordan's weight in his arms, and then pushed after Keller.

He'd just started to jog down the hall toward the infirmary, when he heard Rodney calling his name from behind him. Sheppard didn't slow down, and yet Rodney managed to catch up, his breath hitching in gasps.

"What happened, Rodney?" Sheppard asked, his tone as brisk as his pace.

"She…she was just talking to me about the research we were doing. I ran out of coffee, and she was gonna go get more."

Annoyed, Sheppard turned his head to glare at his friend. "I don't need the movie version, McKay!"

Catching his meaning, Rodney nodded. "Yes, okay. She collapsed. When I couldn't wake her up, I called for help."

Finally, they had reached the medical bay. Sheppard burst through the doors, at that point not caring if he broke them off their hinges, and rushed over to an empty bed. He placed her gently on top of it, and then hovered close by as Keller and her team flooded around Jordan's still form.

A moment later, Teyla and Ronon also entered the room, Ronon wearing a concerned scowl on his dark face. To anyone else, Teyla seemed calm, but those close to her could see by the look in her eyes that she was worried. She immediately went to Sheppard's side and wrapped her hand around his bicep, gently tugging him away from Jordan's bed. Though he didn't really want to go, he knew that he was little more than an obstruction for the doctors to try and steer around, so he let Teyla pull him into the waiting area.

"What has happened?" Teyla asked him.

"Rodney said she collapsed. She wouldn't wake up…" he shrugged, silently telling her that was all he knew. He'd uttered less than ten words, and yet the undercurrent of fear she heard in his voice was enough to fill a book.

She didn't speak; there was no need for words right now. All Sheppard needed from her was her presence. Nodding in understanding, she again led him by the arm to a chair and pressed him into it. He flopped down in the chair and instantly rested his head back against the wall, his eyes closed and his hands scrubbing wearily over his face. Teyla sat beside him, her own hands folded neatly in her lap, though her fingers twisted and untwisted uneasily as she watched him.

Ronon was watching him too, though he occasionally glanced through the glass to the room beyond, where Keller was doing her best to figure out what had happened. His mind wandered back over the past few months, like a movie in reverse. When he reached the day he and the others had rescued Sheppard and Jordan, he stopped. He could still remember the terrified look in Jordan's eyes when he'd stepped into her cell, the way she pulled back against wall, the low whimper that escaped her lips. Back then, he'd felt bad for her, and was useless to help her. She was obviously afraid of him, and if it had been anyone else, he would've been pleased. His size and gruff demeanor were the devices he used to intimidate his enemies (and sometimes friends, when they got on his nerves), but he would never use them against anyone who didn't deserve it. And she definitely hadn't deserved it. Still, she'd tried to hide from him, like a dog that had been beaten, and it made him angry. Not at her – never at her – but at the animals who'd made her that way.

Now, he found himself feeling both helpless and angry again. He'd also understood the tremor in Sheppard's voice, how he buried his face in his hands, and it made Ronon want to punch something. No one dared do this to his friends, not if they wanted to live. He suddenly wished that guard was still alive, just so he could kill him himself.

It seemed like decades before Keller finally made her way into the waiting area, her scrubs dumped into the bin near the door. Her ponytail had come loose, spilling locks of auburn hair over her forehead and shoulders, and her eyes looked tired. She gazed curiously around the room for a moment, as if she'd forgotten why she'd come. When she spotted Sheppard, his right leg jittering nervously up and down, she shook her head to clear the haze in it and stepped in front of him.

"Colonel?" she asked, and his eyes immediately flew to hers. _My God_, she thought, _I'm tired, but he looks…exhausted_.

Sheppard pushed himself to his feet, though his back shrieked unmercifully at him. "How is she?"

Keller took a deep breath. _Here goes_. "She'll be okay. She was a little dehydrated, so I started an IV for her. Her iron levels are also pretty low. I'm putting her on an iron supplement along with the prenatal she's been taking, that should help with the dizziness and fatigue."

"So the baby…?" He asked.

Keller gave a wry smile. "The baby's fine. I'd like to suggest, though, that she take it easy for a few days, to get her levels up to where they should be."

Sheppard nodded, and the relief that washed over him nearly knocked him to his knees. "Thanks, doc."

"No problem." She moved to walk away, and then thought of something else. "She'll be staying in the infirmary tonight, to make sure she re-hydrates, and that there're no other issues."

"Is she awake?"

Keller nodded. "Yes, but she needs to rest for now, so no visiting. And only one person keeps watch tonight." Her eyes bored into Sheppard's. _I know how you guys are_, her penetrating gaze told him.

"I'll stay," Ronon said, startling Sheppard, who'd been about to say the very same thing. The colonel stared at him with something like curiosity, so he elaborated. "I kinda wanted to talk to her."

Sheppard felt a pang of jealousy, then pushed it away. Ronon was his friend, after all, and Jordan was…

_Jordan is what_? Why was he acting like an overprotective boyfriend? He decided he really didn't know.

"Sure, Chewy," he finally replied, using the nickname he knew Ronon hated and still didn't understand. "I'm dead on my feet, anyway."

With that all settled, Teyla accompanied Sheppard toward the crew quarters. She still kept silent, letting him have his thoughts uninterrupted, and he was infinitely grateful to her. When they reached his door, she simply reached up and placed her hand against his cheek, her warm fingers pressing softly against his stubbled skin, and then turned to leave. Sheppard reached out and caught her hand, and she looked back, puzzled.

"Thanks," he said, his voice gravelly with fatigue.

She knew what he was thanking her for – for being there in the infirmary, for walking back to his room with him, and a hundred other reasons neither of them could remember just then – and she replied, "You are most welcome." When he still didn't move from the door, she added, "Good night, John."

"Good night." When she left, he stepped back to let the door shut, and then tossed himself unceremoniously onto his bed, knowing even then that sleep would not come easily.

* * *

_TBC..._


	6. Chapter 6

_AN: As promised, the Ronon/Jordan bonding/friendship/whatever chapter! Also, Sheppy gets over his fear of commitment or whatever his stinkin' hang-up is...you'll have to read to find out what happens! Hope you enjoy, I know I did! LOL Don't forget to R&R!_

* * *

Chapter 6

The first thing Jordan heard when she awakened was a light snoring sound. It was coming from somewhere to her right, and only slightly more than a whisper, but it was there. Slowly, she cracked her eyes open, and though the infirmary lights were dimmed, she could still see a large form slumped in the chair beside her bed. Her eyelashes felt as if they were glued together, but she managed to blink them open all the way, her hand clumsily wiping the sleep out of her eyes. She was only mildly surprised to see that a pulse-ox meter was clipped to her pointer finger, and an IV line snaked from her hand and down the side of her bed.

Jordan sighed. _Not again_. Then, a more disturbing thought came to her, and she gasped. _What about the baby?_

The noise Jordan made was enough to startle Ronon awake, and when he saw her eyes open and staring inquisitively at him, he smiled.

"Hi," he murmured, unsure if she had a headache after her ordeal, and not wanting to make it worse if she did.

"Hi." The smile he'd given her had done much to ease her fear of him, and she found herself smiling shyly in return. "How long have you been here?"

Ronon leaned back in his chair, raising the front two legs off the floor. "A while. I'm not sure. I kinda fell asleep."

She giggled. "I saw."

His smile faded a bit, and concern clouded his features. "How're you feelin'?"

"Okay," Jordan replied. "A little tired."

Ronon nodded. He watched as she tried to sneak a glance down at her bump of a stomach, and he rumbled, "Baby's fine."

A tear slid from the corner of her eye, and she wiped it away, hoping he hadn't noticed.

But he had. He rocked his chair forward again, the front legs landing on the stone floor with a dull thump, and leaned toward her. She watched him warily, wanting to be afraid, and somehow not able to be. It was as if his entire being gave off a calm that she could almost reach out and touch.

"Hey," he soothed. "It's okay."

"I know," she replied, sniffling quietly. "It's just…I was just talking to Rodney, and then everything went black. I thought when I woke up…"

He was solemn for a moment, and then, like a switch had been flipped in his head, his dark eyes danced with humor. "You shoulda seen Sheppard when he carried you in here."

She blushed furiously. "He _carried_ me?"

A smile snuck out from under his goatee. "Yep. All the way from the lab. He was a nervous wreck."

She giggled again, and hearing it caused Ronon to chuckle along with her. When they settled back into silence again, he stared down at his big hands, which dangled lazily between his knees. His fingers were not exceptionally long, and his palms were perfectly proportional to them, but he knew just by looking that he could practically circle Jordan's entire forearm with just one hand. He glanced past his hands to his legs and feet, as if for the first time realizing that he was larger than everyone in the city. As the realization dawned on him (though it wasn't really the first time, more like the three-hundredth), he found himself wishing that he wasn't so big, so…intimidating. He wanted Jordan to trust him, not cower away from him every time they passed in the halls. He wanted her to…to…like him, the way Sheppard and Rodney did. If only he weren't so damned massive!

"So, uh," he heard himself saying, his eyes on a non-existent spot on the floor, "I wanted to talk to you." In his peripheral vision, he saw Jordan nod cautiously. "I wanted to tell you that if I did anything to, uh, scare you…"

He was startled into silence when she chuckled, and gestured with her hand to make him look at her. He did, and saw a small smile creep around the corners of her lips.

"You didn't do anything, Ronon. I've just never gotten used to your size. Not to mention, you sometimes seem a little…" she searched for a word to explain.

He filled it in for her. "Serious?"

She nodded. "I was gonna say unapproachable, but I like 'serious' better."

Dr. Keller had been about to go in and check on Jordan's vitals, but when she turned the corner and saw Jordan and Ronon quietly talking and laughing, their heads so close together they could've touched, she silently backed away and decided to check on the Marine with the horrendous migraine, instead. She hadn't missed the impish smile on Ronon's tanned face, the lively twinkle in Jordan's eyes, and inwardly, she shouted her thanks. Jordan needed a friend like Ronon – he was caring, gentle (when he needed to be), and had a great sense of humor. _It also didn't hurt that he was attractive_, she added, then nearly stopped dead in her tracks. _Did she really just think that? About Ronon?_ Shaking her head to clear it, she continued toward the Marine, huffing a sigh while her back complained about being overworked.

Even when she was all the way across the room, she could still hear Jordan's quiet giggles mingling with the rich sound of Ronon's chuckle, and she couldn't help a smile of her own.

* * *

A steady trickle of visitors made their way into the infirmary to see Jordan once the city had awakened. Sheppard was first, looking much more rested than he had in weeks. Jordan wondered if someone had slipped him a sleeping pill or two, grinning wickedly as she pictured Ronon sneaking around Sheppard's room like a ninja.

Next came Teyla and Rodney, who just happened to be heading to the same place at the same time, followed by Colonel Carter, and most surprisingly, Radek Zelenka. Radek had smiled gently at Jordan when he reached her bed, then awkwardly pulled a bunch of flowers from behind his back, stuttering that he'd taken some of the Athosian kids to the mainland and picked them for her. She'd thanked him profusely, even pulling him down to kiss his cheek, and he'd blushed all the way to his ears before giving her well-wishes and retreating back to his lab.

Sheppard and Ronon stayed with her during all this, and when Keller pronounced her ready for release, they offered to escort her straight to the mess hall for what Sheppard called "real food". Jordan accepted the offer gladly.

"I could use a good meal," she said after they'd reached the mess. She moved to grab a tray, but Sheppard's hand reached out and stopped her, and she stared at him, puzzled.

"Why don't you go sit down and rest? We'll get it for you," he said, keeping his voice low to keep from being heard by the workers behind the line.

"Sheppard," she began, feeling comfortable to leave off the 'Colonel' since he was off-duty. "I'm fine. I just…passed out."

Though a jovial smile was pasted on his face, his eyes were serious. "I know. But Keller said you should take it easy, and I'm not about to get on her bad side again. She has big needles."

She wanted to argue, but one look at Ronon's face, which so closely mirrored Sheppard's that she thought they really could be brothers, changed her mind. Heaving a sigh, she nodded. "Fine. But make sure you grab me a dessert."

"Already done," Ronon said as he tossed both a pudding cup and a huge slice of cake onto the tray Sheppard balanced in his hand – the tray meant for her. She found Sheppard's favorite table on the balcony overlooking the city, and plopped down into a chair, watching her companions as they loaded the three trays and then navigated through the crowd toward her.

"Bon appetit," Sheppard pronounced as he slid her tray onto the table in front of her. He grinned widely at his own comment, and then sat down across from her. Ronon sat beside him as Jordan surveyed the contents of her tray.

"You know I won't be able to eat all this, right?" She asked the two men. There was a delicious-looking grilled chicken, a salad topped with croutons, dressing for the salad, a healthy-sized baked potato with butter, a bowl of berries, and of course, the pudding and cake Ronon had snatched earlier.

"Oh, I forgot…" Sheppard said then, and jumped up from the table. Before Jordan could utter another word, he jogged off and disappeared into the throng of crew members still filtering into the room. A moment later he was back, carrying three bottles of water. Two were normal-sized, which he set in front of himself and Ronon, and the third, which appeared to be at least a liter's worth, he placed to the right of Jordan's tray. "Gotta keep you hydrated, you know."

"Guys, if I eat all this, I'll explode!" She said, and then, as the image of her ballooning to elephant size reached their minds, all three of them burst out laughing. Jordan's sides soon began to ache, but she ignored the pain. She hadn't laughed like that in a long time, and it felt good. It felt even better to see Sheppard laugh – in the half a year she'd been on Atlantis, she couldn't remember hearing him laugh once.

"We'll help you finish it," Sheppard finally said, after they'd calmed down again. He swiped his arm across his face, clearing away the tears that had streamed down his cheeks. "Or at least, Ronon will."

She eyed Ronon's tray, which was piled up as much as her own, and shook her head. "You eat like a horse."

"He's as big as a horse," Sheppard replied, this time able to control the giggles that tried to escape him, only chuckling instead.

"I'll remember that next time you come in for a sparring session," Ronon rumbled, though a smile twitched his lips.

Jordan dug into her food, content to watch the two friends as they bantered good-naturedly back and forth. _This must be what it's like to have a family_, she thought as she finished her potato and moved on to her salad. A wave of loss washed over her, followed by a slight pang of jealousy. She hadn't had anything resembling a family in a long time, not after her parents died. _They don't know how lucky they are_.

"You gonna eat that?" She heard Ronon say, and she looked at him blankly.

"Huh?"

He pointed at her tray. "Your pudding."

She shook her head, and tossed him the cup. "Enjoy." When he eyed her slice of cake, she growled, "Get your own cake."

Sheppard smiled at that, and then winked at her. _Uh-oh_, she thought, knowing exactly what that wink meant. _A joke's coming_. "The cake's a lie, you know."

_And, there it is_. She hid her face behind her napkin, covering a smile.

Ronon frowned in confusion. "But it's sitting right there."

Just to spite Ronon, Jordan took a huge forkful of her cake and shoveled it into her mouth. It was good, she decided.

But it was nowhere as good as being surrounded by friends.

* * *

"Okay," Jennifer Keller said as she guided Jordan onto a bed in the infirmary. "You ready?"

Jordan nodded, though the nerves twisting in her gut was almost too much to bear. I've gone this far, she thought, trying to calm herself, I can't go back now.

"Wait!" called a familiar voice from somewhere on the other side of the privacy screen. A moment later, Colonel Sheppard peeked his head around the fabric wall, a questioning yet excited look in his hazel eyes. He looked not unlike a kid in an unexplored toy-shop, all giddy with anticipation, yet trying to be on his best behavior.

He fixed that same look on Jordan's face, and asked, "Can I come in?"

She considered his request, then nodded. There really hadn't been any thought involved on her part; she'd just wanted to make him wait a little. "Sure."

Putting on his serious face, he quickly slipped around the curtain, coming to stand near Jordan's right. Unconsciously – or maybe not – he covered her hand with his own as she laid back, her shirt pulled up to expose her stomach. Though his sudden contact surprised her, she let him leave his hand there.

"Okay," Keller said again, a brilliant smile lighting her face, "here we go."

With a flourish worthy of a circus performer, the doctor produced a Fetal Doppler, placing the wand onto Jordan's belly. Though her muscles were still tight and toned, the bump over her navel had grown since her fainting scare, and Sheppard decided that he really liked it. It kind of...suited her.

After a slight pause, a distinctive galloping sound filled the air around them, and Jordan's eyes instantly welled up. The sound of the baby's strong heartbeat was the final piece she needed to fully realize what she'd first suspected months ago. She, Jordan Hayes, was going to be a mother.

The realization both terrified her, and filled her with joy. She wanted this baby – there had never really been a doubt in her mind – but she also knew that she would never forget the circumstances behind her pregnancy.

Jordan was now acutely aware of a light pressure on her fingers, and she then remembered Sheppard. She glanced up into his eyes, expecting to see a certain degree of relief, of happiness. What she wasn't expecting, what made her finally untangle her hand from his in confusion, was the longing, the sense of loss she found there instead.

Keller didn't seem to notice, however, as she was inwardly doing flips over the prospect of having a new baby on Atlantis. It would be fun to throw a baby shower, take turns babysitting, and everything else that came with a newborn.

"Strong little guy, huh?" Sheppard finally said, if for no other reason than to fill the awkward silence in the cubicle. It was unfortunate that saying it aloud still wouldn't fill the emptiness he felt in his chest, as cold and barren as Antarctica had been. For years, he dreamed of having a child of his own, of tucking a sleeping newborn into the crook of his arm while he watched football or listened to Johnny Cash. Now, that dream was so close, yet still so far away.

This baby – Jordan's baby – was another man's child. True, the father was nowhere near the kind of man a kid should have for a dad, and he was dead, anyway – by Sheppard's own hand, no less – but the fact still remained, and it hurt so badly that he felt like crying.

"Colonel? Are you okay?" He heard Keller ask, and his head snapped up so fast his teeth nearly clicked together.

"Yeah," he lied, suddenly fidgety for no good reason. "I'm fine."

"I was just telling Jordan that so far, everything looks, and sounds –" she gestured at the Doppler for emphasis, " – perfect. I'll see you in a month, Jordan."

Jordan was about to respond, when Sheppard cut in. "_We'll_ be here." He glanced at Jordan. "If that's okay with you, of course."

"Of course," she replied with a shrug. She was still confused by his willingness to help her during her pregnancy, but she accepted it gladly. He'd told her it was because she had no family on Atlantis, that he didn't want her to have to go through it alone. _He doesn't know how wrong he was_, she mused as she pulled her shirt back down over her stomach_; I may not have blood relatives in the city, but that doesn't mean I don't have family here._ She wondered now if there wasn't more to Sheppard's offer to help. _If maybe…_

_No,_ she thought, pushing the idea away. When it continued to nag at her, however, she resolved to ask him about it as they walked away from the infirmary.

"Colonel," she began, but he grinned and interrupted her.

"Not on duty, remember?" He reminded.

She sighed. "Sorry. Sheppard," she amended, still refusing to call him by his first name. It was too personal, too informal. "Why are you doing this?"

The good-natured grin remained. "I told you why."

"I know," she said with a nod, "but there was something in your eyes back there. It was as if…I dunno…as if you'd lost something."

He pondered this in silence. So, he hadn't masked his feelings as well as he'd thought. But he couldn't really explain it to her, could he? Could he really tell her that he wished the baby she carried had been his?

Sheppard screeched to a halt, physically and mentally. _Had he really just admitted that to himself?_

"Sheppard?"

He looked down into her expectant eyes. "Uh," he stammered, "I…"

Sheppard glanced around them, making sure they were alone in the hallway. When he saw that they were indeed the only two people there, he took her gently by the forearms and steered her into a nearby alcove.

"Look," he began, "I'm kind of suckish at this, so…"

Jordan nodded in understanding, and wisely kept silent. She could tell he was about to say something difficult – for him, at least – and she would be damned if she interrupted him now. She didn't want him to chicken out, to brush it off as if nothing had happened.

Sheppard's eyes traveled, seemingly of their own accord, down to her stomach, and dwelled there for a while.

"You know, when I heard the heartbeat, I thought that it was the most awesome sound in the world. And even though I knew how the baby came to be, it finally hit me."

He moved even closer to her, so that they were less than a foot apart. His hands still held her arms, his fingers pressing lightly on them.

"I understood that once again, my chance at having a family was out of reach, and it made me feel…empty inside."

The whole time he was speaking, Jordan's eyes were fixed on his. He could feel them on him, two little pools of lava that burned clear into his soul. When he finally gathered up the nerve to meet her gaze, he was surprised to see that she was trying to blink away sudden tears.

"I _hate_ what those men did to you," he went on in a murmur. "They took everything from you. They _broke_ you."

Now the tears she'd been holding back spilled forth, tracking down her freckled cheeks. But there was a smile on her lips, and it startled him more than the tears did.

"You may be right," Jordan replied, her hand tentatively reaching up to rest on his shoulder. "But they also gave me two things I didn't have before."

He watched her eyes, silent as she continued. "I have a baby, and even if he – or she –"she added, remembering when he'd said "little guy" during the checkup " – wasn't created in love, I know they will be absolutely _surrounded_ by it."

Her gaze turned shy now. "And, they helped me get closer to you. In that week we were held together, I learned so many things about you, and sometimes I learned them not through your words, but by your actions. Even though you weren't able to protect me, just knowing that you would be there after they had gone kept me sane, made me feel a little safer. And those nights, when you'd hold me through the bars of the cell, you made me realize that I wasn't alone."

She leaned forward a little, suddenly wishing he'd put his arms around her like he had on the balcony. In a near whisper, she told him, "You gave me _hope_."

Sheppard thought those words were the truest, most beautiful words he'd ever heard. Pulling her against his chest, he sighed into her hair, feeling the pain he'd held within himself slowly fade into nothing.

"Jordan," he said, her name sounding like a plea, "I just wish…"

"I know," she interrupted, and now, she _did _know. "I do, too."

He held her at arms' length, his eyes uncertain. "You do?"

She nodded. "Yes, more than anything, I wish _you_ were this baby's father."

He crushed her to him again, a lump forming in his throat. He held her that way even when others began to filter through the corridor, shooting curious glances at the pair in the alcove.

Jordan Hayes was everything he'd ever wanted – _no, __needed_, he corrected – in a woman. She was beautiful; strong yet vulnerable, gentle yet determined, and on top of it all, she would soon be a mother.

_Yes_, his heart sang out over and over, _I love her_.

Sheppard cupped her chin in his hand, gazing into her lovely brown eyes. Slowly, as if time itself had stopped, she watched as he leaned down, his lips gently brushing hers, and her eyes slid closed in contentment. Her hands went up around his neck, trapping him against her as their tongues carefully explored each other.

When they finally broke for air, he ran the back if his hand down her face.

"I love you, Jordan," he murmured. Her beaming smile broke over him like a ray of sunshine, warming him to the core.

Slipping her hand into his and placing them both on her stomach, she replied, "I love you, too." Before she leaned up to kiss him again, she softly added, "John."

* * *

_TBC..._

_I swear to God, I'm gonna keep this a short story (read - under 10 chapters)! I wanted to end it with an epilogue right after this chapter, but I'm afraid Sheppard the Muse will put another idea in my head after I do, so...I'm gonna see how it goes. But I swear, it will be under 10! Well, 10 plus the epilogue...so, really 11, but you get the idea..._


	7. Chapter 7

_AN: I was about to wrap up this story, when my brain went and grabbed an idea from Muse!Shep. Damn him! LOL Anyway, have fun reading, and I should have another chap or 2 up soon...stay posted FanFiccers! Oh, and R&R, pretty please!_

* * *

Chapter 7

"You're getting worse instead of better," Ronon said as he pulled Sheppard off the gym floor for the fifteenth time.

Sheppard grimaced at him, trying to covertly rub his aching knee but failing miserably. "That's not true," he pouted. It was, though, and he knew it. Last time, he'd only been knocked flat on his back a dozen times.

"Whatever." Ronon took up an offensive stance, the bantos rods held loosely in his hands. "So what's up with you?"

An audible sigh escaped Sheppard. _How many times are we gonna play this game?_ "Nothing. Why?"

"Because," Ronon replied as he stepped forward, swept a bantos rod behind Sheppard's knee, and knocked him down again. He stood over him, not offering his hand this time. "You're distracted."

_Apparently once more, then._ Seeing that Ronon wouldn't help him up, Sheppard rolled onto his hands and knees, and pushed himself upright. When he stood before the Satedan, he shrugged. "I'm not distracted. I just suck at sparring. Especially against you."

Ronon couldn't hide a smug grin. So far, no one had come close to knocking him down beside Teyla. She was stronger than she looked, and faster. _But not strong enough_, he chuckled to himself. Last time they'd sparred, he'd nearly knocked the wind out of her. When she'd finally stood up again, she laughed and conceded defeat until next time.

_Speaking of Teyla… _

"Yeah, well. I heard you and Jordan are an item now."

Sheppard stopped toweling the sweat off his forehead, his hand midway between his face and his chest. "Who told you that?" He asked, his eyes narrowing, creating a furrow in his brow.

"Teyla."

_So she did gossip_, Sheppard groaned inwardly. Aloud, he simply said, "What else did she tell you?"

Ronon grinned widely at him. "So she wasn't kidding?"

Sheppard ran through his possible responses. After a moment's thought, he decided that nothing but the truth felt right. _That didn't mean, however, that this had to turn into a girly moment_. Shrugging nonchalantly, he merely said, "I guess."

If Ronon smiled any bigger, his face was going to crack in two. "That's cool!"

"Will you knock it off?" he asked his friend. "This isn't high school, you know."

"What's 'high school'?"

"Never mind. I'm just saying…"

Sheppard never finished his sentence, as just then the lights went out in the gym, leaving them in complete darkness.

"Damn," he muttered, and heard Ronon chuckle softly. _Very funny_.

Sheppard felt around the room until he reached the bleachers, cursing as he bumped his knee against something metal. By the time this night was over, his poor knee was going to be black and blue – minus the blue. When he found his pile of belongings, he searched with his hands until he found his earpiece, slipping it expertly over his ear. He tapped it once, barking out, "Rodney! What'd you do?"

McKay's voice crackled over the radio. "What are you talking about? I didn't do anything!"

Sheppard could hear Ronon moving somewhere behind him. "Are the lights out where you are?"

Rodney sighed impatiently. "Of course they are! Why do you think I sound so panicked? I hate the dark. Too many things to bump into, too many creatures that might be hiding around the corner, waiting to drag me into a hallway and eat me…"

"McKay!" Sheppard shouted. "Can you get the lights back on?"

Another sigh. "I won't have any idea until I get to the control room. Which I can't get to in the dark. You know, I tried to tell people that we should get running lights powered by a separate generator, but would anyone listen? Noooo."

"Are the doors working?"

There was a brief pause before Rodney came back on. "Yes."

"What about transporters?"

"Now how would I know that?" Rodney asked, and Sheppard felt his blood pressure slowly rise again.

"I'm just curious."

Zelenka's voice answered him. "Colonel Sheppard. It appears that only lights are off. All other power works, including transporters."

Sheppard tapped the radio again, this time calling for Major Lorne.

"Colonel," the major answered almost immediately, and Sheppard relaxed slightly. _Thank God for level-headed military officers_.

"Lorne, you got a flashlight handy?"

Lorne chuckled, having overheard the exchange between his CO and Rodney. "Sure do, sir. Keep it under my bed just in case."

"Good. Go get Dr. McKay, and take him to the control room. I take it you're already there, Zelenka?"

"Yes," the Czech replied.

"What about you, sir?" Lorne asked, his concern clear in his voice.

Sheppard grinned in the darkness. "I'll figure somethin' out. Just find McKay."

"Will do. Lorne out."

When he clicked the radio back off, he turned and bumped into something solid. No, not something. Some_one_. "Geez, Ronon. Don't do that!"

"Sorry."

He breathed out a sigh, his nerves slowly calming down. "I don't suppose you've got a light stashed in here anywhere?"

"Nope."

Sheppard muttered something like, "Well, aren't you 'Chatty Kathy'," but Ronon wasn't sure if he'd heard right. Then, Sheppard clearly said, "Well, seems like there's a good amount of light coming in from the moon…"

Ronon's eyes had adjusted to the darkness a while ago. As a runner from the Wraith, he'd had to sharpen his senses if he wanted to stay alive. As it was, he bet he could see a fair amount more than the colonel could. Still, he allowed Sheppard to take the lead as they made their way out of the gym and into the hall.

"Joh—Colonel?" Jordan's voice called out to him after ten minutes or so. At first, Sheppard thought she'd used the radio to reach him, but her voice sounded far too close for that. Then, he saw her distinct outline standing near the end of the hall he and Ronon occupied, her body pressed fearfully against the wall.

"It's me," he assured her. "Stay there."

He reached her in a matter of moments, and in the pale moonlight, he could see fear etched on her face. She was wearing comfortable-looking black pants, and a light-colored shirt that was just tight enough to accentuate the curve of her stomach. Black ballet slippers covered her feet, and he finally realized that she'd been on her way to the gym for her weekly Pilates session with Keller and Carter when the lights went out.

"You okay?" He asked, and she knew what he really meant to ask was "Are both of you okay?"

Jordan nodded. "What's going on?"

Sheppard sighed. "Dunno yet. We're headed…"

"To the control tower," she interjected. "I heard. Hi, Ronon," she greeted, having finally noticed his presence looming behind Sheppard.

"Hey."

When they began again down the hallway, Sheppard led Jordan by the hand, his fingers warm against her chilled ones. Ronon's eyebrow lifted at the gesture, but said nothing. Secretly, he was overjoyed that Sheppard had finally found someone. _Ancestors know he needs it. _And Ronon knew that Jordan was the best woman for the job. While she clearly adored him, Ronon knew that she wouldn't take any guff from Sheppard, or anyone else for that matter.

In a strange way, Jordan reminded Ronon of Teyla. Sure, she was a little less sure of herself, a little more sensitive than the Athosian. But what she lacked in those departments, she made up for in tenacity, and in her fierce trust of people – of Sheppard in particular.

Finally, after walking for what seemed like hours – up stairwells, down hallways, through spare rooms – they reached the control room. Rodney and Zelenka were already there, working only by the light of their laptops, as was Carter. She hovered over Rodney's shoulder, once in a while offering him a suggestion or two. A beam of light suddenly swung into Sheppard's eyes, momentarily blinding him.

"Ow!" he exclaimed, shielding his face with his free hand, his other still twined with Jordan's. They exchanged a quick glance, realizing that they were now in different company than before, and dropped their hands away from each other. Sheppard raised his shoulders in an apology, and Jordan stuck her bottom lip out. _Don't worry about it_, the gesture said.

"Sorry, sir," Lorne's voice called from behind the light, and the beam immediately swung away from the group coming to rest on the floor instead. Sheppard could just make out his second-in-command as he walked toward him, and the pale moonlight glittered over something black. "I found you an extra torch."

Sheppard reached out and accepted the flashlight from him, the cool metal a welcome pressure in his hand. "Thanks," he said as his finger found the on button and pushed it. He was careful to point the end away from the other's eyes before he turned it on, aiming the beam in the vicinity of the Stargate.

Carter called to him from where she stood behind Rodney. "I was about to go on city-wide, and explain what's happening. Lots of people are sure to be confused and afraid."

"Good idea," he replied, nodding even though he knew she couldn't see the motion. "Confine everyone except essential personnel to quarters, just until we figure this out."

It was her turn to nod, and unlike her, he could see it. "Rodney?" he asked, his friend's face clear in the reflection from his monitor. He didn't have to say any more; his tone implied what he meant to say. _What's our situation?_

"Um. Well, at first glance it seems that the city's lighting system shut down."

"I can see that, McKay. Why did it do it, and how long before we get them back up?"

Rodney glanced up then, casting a frown at him. "I'm not sure yet. I've got a diagnostic running, and it'll be a few minutes before…"

Sheppard cut him off. "Best guess."

A sigh came from the scientist's direction. "A few hours. Maybe."

"Let me know what comes up," Sheppard said, already turning on his heel. He'd only taken one step when Carter called his name.

He swung back around as she asked, "Where are you going?"

"There's gonna be injuries," he explained, already feeling impatient, wanting to be off on his task already. "Anytime you mix a couple hundred people with darkness..."

Carter didn't wait for him to finish. "Okay. But be careful. I don't need you getting hurt out there, either."

"Understood," he replied, and tapped Ronon's shoulder, indicating that he wanted the Satedan's help. Before he turned to follow Ronon, however, Sheppard stopped and looked into Jordan's face. "I'll be back soon."

She was touched by his concern, though it wasn't really necessary. She'd known about his character – and his penchant for getting himself injured – since she met him, and she decided a long time ago that she could handle it. Rewarding him with a smile and a light touch on his arm, she replied, "I'll be here."

Satisfied with her answer, he spun on his heel and followed Ronon out into the hall. Just before he entered the hallway, he looked over his shoulder and waved at her, and something inside Jordan leapt with joy. At first, she figured it was her heart, and maybe it had, too, but the majority of the flutter was too low for that. Then, her eyes locked onto her stomach in surprise. It couldn't have been, she reasoned. It was too early, wasn't it? And why was the baby reacting to Sheppard, when he wasn't the father? Then, another voice entered her mind, one that sounded like her own, and yet not. _Maybe I just imagined it. Maybe I'm going crazy._ But no, it had happened; she'd felt it as sure as she felt her own chest as it rose and fell with each breath.

Though Jordan was puzzled, she squared her shoulders and focused on the sound of Lorne's boots on the stone floor ahead of her, as he led her over to the group of scientists. Whether what she'd felt had been real or not, she couldn't stop a smile from stealing over her face.

* * *

Ronon and Sheppard found themselves once more wending their way through the halls of Atlantis. To a new arrival, these corridors all looked the same, but the men who now crept along them knew better. Sheppard could hear the thrumming of Atlantis' power – the part that was on, anyway – fluctuate depending on where he was in the city. The closer he was to the room that housed the ZPMs, the more potent the vibrations were.

Ronon, on the other hand, used a more…physical way of locating himself. His sharp eyes could pick out slight differences in the décor – a potted plant in a corner, a window that was shaped dissimilar to the others – and his nose detected the myriad of smells that wafted through the ventilation system. He could pick up the scent of Athosian incense in this particular hall, for example, and knew that they were near the crew quarters. At the end of the next hall would be a transporter, and they would take that to the other side of the city, to make sure everyone was where they were supposed to be, and that they were safe.

"This sucks," Sheppard muttered as they stepped into the transporter. He slapped at the display on the wall behind him, indicating that they wanted to start their check on the furthest arm of the city from where they were and work their way back. He noted with disgust that though the lights in the transporter were out, the map itself was shining away, as if it were trying to spite him somehow.

"Could be worse," Ronon muttered.

When the brightness of the transport beam faded away, Sheppard made a noise in his throat and replied, "How's that?"

"The power could be out altogether."

Sheppard shrugged, acknowledging Ronon's point, but still stubbornly pessimistic about the whole situation. "I guess."

They worked in companionable silence for a while, checking store rooms and empty labs for anyone unlucky enough to have been trapped inside, but so far, no one had. They made it all the way through three of the five arms that radiated out from the central grouping of towers without incident. By this time, however, the darkness mixed with the utter silence began to wear on Sheppard's nerves. The city's link to him was still there, somewhere in the back of his mind, but it felt so distant, little more than a low hum, like a window fan you didn't realize was on anymore. Soon, he began to feel nervous, every shadow making him twitch his hand over his hip before he realized once more that he wasn't wearing his sidearm.

Ronon could sense his unease, and decided to break the silence that pervaded these passageways, pressing around them like the humid air before a storm.

"You think McKay'll figure this out soon?" He asked.

"He better," Sheppard replied, glad for the sudden conversation. "I know where the lemons are if he doesn't."

He heard Ronon chuckle at that.

"You think I'm kidding?"

"Nope," Ronon said from beside him.

"'Cause I'm not." He sighed. "I hate the dark."

"Really? Never seemed like it before."

Sheppard stopped to check a room to his left. It was empty, of course. He started to wonder if this was such a good idea after all. Wandering around the outer parts of the city seemed more like a waste of time now.

"Yeah," he answered. "Ever since the Genii…thing."

"Mm." Ronon didn't need to ask which Genii thing Sheppard spoke of. The colonel had never been as affected by them and their "techniques" as he had when they took him and Jordan, not even when they'd tortured him by letting Todd the Wraith feed on him. He'd had nightmares about that one – _who wouldn't_, Ronon snorted – but this time it seemed so much worse. If the Genii had ever come close to breaking John Sheppard, it was this last time.

"Okay," Sheppard interjected into his thoughts, "let's move on to the next section."

"'Kay."

The bulkhead door slid upward and they walked through, Sheppard's flashlight sweeping the darkness beyond. He was about to speak when Ronon suddenly gripped his shoulder, his usual way of silently getting Sheppard's attention.

"Hear that?" He asked. Sheppard strained his ears until his head nearly swam with the effort, but shook his head.

"What is it?"

Ronon appeared to be listening again, and then took point in the hall, hardly needing the light to see where he was going. When they reached a door about halfway down, he stopped and gestured at it.

"Sounds like someone's trapped in here."

Sheppard nodded. "I can hear them now." He shone his light on the control panel near the door, and waved his hand over it. Nothing happened. "Locked."

"Or broken," Ronon put in. He pounded three times on the thick door.

A voice called back at him from the other side, muffled but still intelligible. "I'm here!"

"Just hang on!" Sheppard shouted back. "We'll get you out!" He looked to Ronon and jokingly asked, "You got some lock-picks on you?"

Ronon grinned at his humor, and replied, "Nope. Got something better." He reached down and slid his blaster out of its holster. He held it up triumphantly for a moment, then waved Sheppard out of the way and aimed it at the control panel. He pulled the trigger back, and a bright red flash burst from the muzzle, enveloping the panel in an eerie and somehow mesmerizing glow. It reminded Sheppard of the flames of a campfire, the way you couldn't seem to stop staring as the embers swirled up into the night sky, sparking once before winking out.

As soon as the door groaned open, Sheppard stepped through, ignoring Ronon's shout to wait. He made it all the way into the room before he realized that Ronon was right, that he should've waited. He only had a split second to cover his head with his arm before a huge stack of crates toppled over on top of him, knocking him fully unconscious.

* * *

_TBC..._


	8. Chapter 8

____

_AN: Sorry it's been sooooo long, guys! Kids started school at the beginning of the month, and it's been hectic trying to get everyone into a set schedule...but now that I'm alone all day I shouldn't have a problem workin' on my fics. So enjoy the chapter, and hope all is well with everyone! Thanks for all the favorites, alerts, and comments - I LOVE YOU! R&R as usual, and feel free to give ideas either for this fic or for a new one!_

* * *

Chapter 8

* * *

Sheppard woke to the feeling that he was being crushed, and it took a few full minutes before he remembered why. He could hear Ronon yelling his name, could hear the large man dragging something heavy around the room, but he couldn't answer. His eyelids suddenly felt very heavy themselves, and he was fairly sure that the warm, wet substance that covered the side of his face was blood. Great. _Nice going, John_, he scolded as he tried in vain to move his arms and legs. It was no use, his legs were each pinned down, their blood supply slowly being cut off by the weight on them. His right arm was trapped against his upper body, and his left was weighted down over his head. His fingers could feel the edge of the crate that held that arm down, the painted wood smooth and free of splinters.

He sucked in a breath, suddenly feeling claustrophobic despite the light from the flashlight, which miraculously hadn't broken when it got buried along with him, and the motion of his chest rising caused a sharp pain to radiate from his ribcage. He coughed the breath back out, figuring that he could add at least one broken rib to his list of injuries.

"Sheppard!" Ronon's voice sounded closer this time, and Sheppard managed to groan loudly in reply. By the sudden increase in noise, and the slight lessening of pressure on his chest, he guessed that his groan must've reached Ronon's ears. Good_. Just a few more minutes, then…_

His eyes grew heavy again, and he forced himself to stay conscious, resorting to reciting the names of as many football teams as he could. He'd only just made it through the entire AFC division and was about to start on the NFC, when he felt himself slowly drifting away. _Come on, John. Stay with it a few minutes longer._ He tried to concentrate on the city's hum in his mind, but it was so faint now, he had to strain hard to feel it. He wondered if the problem was on the city's end, or on his. Just when he was about to give up and slip into unconsciousness, the weight on his chest lessened considerably. His eyes fluttered open again, and he found himself staring up at Ronon's hulking form.

"Hey," Sheppard croaked out. "You get whoever was trapped out, yet?"

Even in the dark, he could make out Ronon's grin. "If you mean yourself, then yeah."

Sheppard chuckled, then gasped as another ripple of pain burned through his chest. "Help me up, will ya? I think my legs fell asleep."

Ronon hesitated. "Might not be a good idea…"

"I'm all right." He stuck out his hand, as if that one motion would prove it.

Still, Ronon waited, unsure. "Sheppard."

"I can make it an order," he warned, and even he couldn't miss the way his voice cracked on the last word. Despite his misgivings, Ronon sighed and grabbed Sheppard's wrist, slowly pulling him first into a sitting position, and then finally helping him to his feet. Sheppard felt himself grow dizzy as the blood rushed back to his head, but he merely closed his eyes and waited until the feeling passed. He couldn't pass out now, he reasoned with himself, not when he had a job to do. He wiped some of the sticky blood off his face with his hand, and when his finger happened to come into contact with the cut on his forehead, a sharp twinge rippled through him, followed by a faint wave of nausea. When both quickly subsided again, he took a step forward, congratulating himself when his legs continued to support him.

"Okay," he said to Ronon, "let's find the other guy."

The "other guy" turned out to be named Sergeant Joe Walker, one of Lorne's men. He'd been sent to this particular room to look for a crate of flashlights that someone had mentioned might be stored here. He stood on a short stack of crates, he'd said, and they'd shifted out from under him suddenly. He fell and broke his leg, and when he looked up, he'd noticed that the crates he'd stood on had caused a sort of domino effect with the other stacks, ending up with the stack that had fallen on Sheppard leaning precariously against the door. When the door slid open…

"There was nothing holding the crates up anymore," Sheppard said, nodding as he got the full picture.

Walker also nodded, adding miserably, "Never found those flashlights, either."

"That's okay, Sergeant. Let's just get you to the infirmary, get that leg of yours fixed up."

"What about you, sir?" Walker asked, gesturing toward Sheppard's bleeding forehead. "That looks like a pretty nasty gash."

Sheppard waved a hand dismissively. "I'll be okay."

Walker's face showed that he was not convinced, but he said nothing more about it. He hooked his arms around the other men's necks, and used his good leg to limp around the tangle of boxes as they made their way out of the room. It was a mere matter of minutes until they reached the transporter at the end of the hall, and less than twenty minutes later, he was seated on a clean bed in the infirmary.

"Broke his leg climbing around a storage room," Sheppard explained to Keller when she joined them.

"Mm." She nodded, then, seeing the blood drying on Sheppard's face, she exclaimed, "What happened to you?"

Sheppard shrugged, trying to ignore the fresh burst of pain in his chest as he moved. "I lost at Jenga."

Keller's gaze snapped to Ronon, who until now had been standing motionless behind Sheppard. When he felt her eyes on him, he looked up, trying not to smile at the shocked look on her face.

"Bunch of supply crates fell on top of him. I dug him out."

"Colonel," she groaned, trying to understand how one man could get into so much trouble. Sometimes, she believed that he was actually worse than a little kid. "That gash is gonna need stitches, and from the way you're holding your chest, I'm guessing you at least bruised your ribs, if you didn't break them altogether."

Sheppard looked down at himself, unaware that he'd wrapped his arm around his torso, as if he was trying to hold his organs in place. When his eyes met hers again, only one thought ran through his head, repeating like a skipping record. _Don't tell Jordan, please don't tell her…She'll kill me…_

"I, um…" he realized that this time, he couldn't weasel out of an exam with a promise to return later, and his shoulders sagged helplessly. "I'll go wait for you over there."

She followed the hitch of his thumb that indicated an empty bed on the opposite side of the room, and nodded. "Good idea."

"Come on," Ronon said, lightly clapping him on the shoulder before leading him over to the bed. As Sheppard swung up onto the thin mattress, Ronon plunked himself into the obligatory chair nearby, crossing his booted ankles to make himself comfortable as they waited.

When he was sure Sheppard was settled in well enough – and he must've been, his eyes were closed, and he had his head burrowed deeply into the pillow – Ronon watched Keller as she cared for Walker. Her hands moved quickly, yet gently, as she positioned the sergeant's leg under the scanner, making sure everything was lined up. Once the scan was complete, it showed that Walker had indeed broken his tibia, so she set about gathering the supplies for a cast, also snagging a set of crutches on the way out of the supply room. Ronon had to admit, there was something fascinating and graceful about her, and he couldn't help but be entranced by it. She reminded him of Melena, he realized, and the thought instantly saddened him. He hadn't thought of her much in the past four years or so, choosing to focus on the fact of his hatred for the Wraith, instead of the cause of it. But now, Jennifer's resemblance to his former love brought the loss back to the surface, and it was all he could do to carefully press it back into the corner of his mind before anyone noticed the look on his face.

Ronon turned to Sheppard, ready to make a crack about them spending way too much time in the infirmary, but the comment died on his tongue. Sheppard was fast asleep, his arms carefully crossed over his chest.

With a sigh, the Satedan leaned back in his chair, his arms unconsciously mimicking Sheppard's. He decided that since his friend was now resting, he might as well follow suit.

There'd be plenty of time to talk later.

* * *

Sheppard opened his eyes, and found himself in his room. _Weird_, he thought, when he'd fallen asleep, he'd been in the infirmary. _Maybe Keller had me moved while I was out. She knows how much I hate the infirmary_.

Remembering his sore ribs, he gingerly rolled over onto his side, but there was no pain.

"O-kay," he said to his room. This was getting weird really fast.

That was when he saw the body in his bed.

Jordan was sprawled beside him, her eyes open and staring at him, and even in the darkness, he knew she was dead.

Now he was seriously freaked out. He tried to scramble backwards off the bed, but his hands slipped in something wet and slick covering the sheets, and he tumbled to the floor instead. He landed on his back with a loud thump, and the shock rattled his body like a jolt of electricity. He lay there gasping for a moment, then sat up and looked around wildly.

The darkness was thick, permeating every corner of the room, and only a tiny sliver of the bright moonlight managed to penetrate the windows, the beam focused right onto the surface on his bed.

"Lights?" he asked hopefully, but nothing happened. A small knot of panic settled into his gut until he remembered his earpiece. He carefully kept his gaze away from his bed as he reached up and felt around the nightstand for his radio, knocking over the water glass he kept there. The radio wasn't there, and when his hand brushed his ear, his heart sank. He was on his own, with no way to call for help.

Sheppard braced his hands on the floor and pushed himself to his feet. Keeping his eyes on the door – or where he knew the door should be – he slowly shuffled toward it, his hands in front of him as if he were blind. _Well, aren't I?_ He asked himself. He found he was suddenly grateful for his sight, not wishing the curse of eternal darkness on anyone, not even his worst enemy. _Well…maybe Kolya_, he corrected.

He'd almost made it past the bed, when a cold, firm hand grabbed his arm, and his heart skipped a beat, threatening to stop working altogether.

"Colonel!" Keller shouted at him then. "It's okay!"

Sheppard blinked, and saw that he was back in the infirmary. A few emergency lights were scattered around the room, their cords plugged into a portable generator that hummed quietly in the far corner. He could feel a slight tugging at his hairline, and figured that Keller had stitched him up while he was out. He also felt something cold on his now-bare chest, and a quick look revealed an ice pack placed over his bruised ribs.

Then, he looked down at his wrist and saw Keller's slender hand wrapped around it, and he shuddered as his nightmare came back to him, causing the doctor to quickly drop his arm as if she'd touched a hot coal.

"Sorry," she said, but he immediately shook his head.

"No, it's okay. I…had a freaky dream, that's all."

Keller grinned. "That's what you get for running head-first into a dark room."

Sheppard smiled back. "Well, you know me…Good thing I'm hard-headed."

"Yeah, well, it's a really good thing Ronon was there with you. Those boxes would've crushed you."

Sheppard pouted, casting his eyes down at the sheet covering him. "I know," he muttered. Then he saw Ronon sitting to his left, and said, "Thanks, Chewy."

Ronon shrugged. "No problem."

Sheppard glanced back up at Keller. "Can I go now?"

She stared at him uncertainly for a moment, then slowly nodded. "You may, but no more diving into storage rooms. Let your men do the heavy stuff, okay?"

He nodded in return, and carefully swung his legs out of the bed, but Keller blocked him with her body.

"Hey, not so fast," she said, and he lifted an eyebrow at her. "If you feel dizzy or nauseous, or start seeing spots, I want you to get your butt back here right away. Don't try to be macho and ignore it."

He frowned, but said, "I will." She shot him another doubtful look, until he added, "I swear. And if I don't, Ronon'll drag me back here, caveman-style."

Ronon grinned at that, and nodded. "Yep."

Keller sighed but stepped out of his way, her shoes silent on the floor as she disappeared into the main room. Sheppard stood up and caught the black shirt Ronon tossed to him, slipping it quickly over his head. He pushed his arms through the sleeves, and then delicately pulled the fabric down over his torso. His chest still throbbed painfully, and sometimes his breath hitched in his chest, but this was nothing compared to most of the injuries he'd received in his life.

"Here," Keller suddenly said from his right, and pressed both a white box and a bottle of pills into his hand. He looked first at the items he now held, and then at her face, his eyes registering as a single question mark to her. She smiled at his confusion. "The bottle of pills is for the inflammation, and the box is Tylenol. Not the regular kind, though…the good stuff."

Sheppard nodded his understanding as she went on. "Take the Tylenol when the meds I gave you earlier begin to wear off, then whenever you need them. The anti-inflammatory should be..."

"Yeah, I know the routine," he replied, his voice slightly annoyed. "I've been through all this before, y'know."

"I know," she said, her eyes narrowed in a disapproving glare. He'd been in the infirmary way too much for one man, and she knew without a doubt that he'd end up there again before too long. "Now, go get some rest, or something."

Sheppard didn't reply to that. Everyone in the room knew he wouldn't be able to rest until the lights were back on, and he wasn't about to lie and say he would. He also didn't want to tell the truth, though, and so he stayed silent.

Instead, he waved appreciatively at her, and followed Ronon through the double doors and into the hall, pausing only slightly as Ronon switched on the flashlight and shone it at the floor ahead of them.

* * *

"What happened?"

Sheppard stopped just inside the Control Room's doors, and looked at Colonel Carter's shocked expression.

"Um," he began, and shuffled his feet nervously, managing to look like at least eight years old. "I…"

"He lost at Jenga," Ronon offered. "Whatever that is."

Carter looked even more shocked, and a little confused. "Sheppard?"

"A bunch of supply crates fell on me," he sighed, quickly tiring of explaining his injuries yet again. His gaze shifted around the room until he found Jordan. She was standing near Major Lorne, her face registering as much concern as Carter's had. One hand was absently rubbing her softly-rounded belly in slow, wide circles, and the other clenched the console in front of her. Other than that, however, she seemed okay, so he flicked his gaze over at Rodney, who was still hunched over his tablet.

"Why aren't you still…"

"In the infirmary?" He finished for Carter without even looking at her, and she nodded. "Keller kicked me out. She said I was fine, and not to do anything too…strenuous."

Carter thought about sending him to his quarters to rest, but quickly discarded the idea. Although she hadn't known the Colonel as long as the others, she understood that he wouldn't quit until the job was done, and though his injuries made her very nervous, she respected his resolve. _Besides, he'd probably just argue with me until I gave in, anyway. _

Sheppard and Ronon made their way across the room until they stood near the rest of the group, Ronon resting his hip against the console and Sheppard coming to stand near Rodney's right side.

"How's it goin'?" Sheppard asked McKay, who glanced up only momentarily at him, and then went back to pressing buttons on his tablet.

"Um, we're close, I think."

"How close? Super bowl Twenty-Five close, or Bush versus Gore close?"

Rodney stopped working to stare up at him, a blank look crossing his blue eyes. "What?" He asked. Then, "I don't know…neither?"

Sheppard shrugged to the others as Rodney went on. "Look, I think it's as simple as someone overloading the power conduit that goes to the lights. I just have to find which one, and turn it back on."

"Kind of like a blown fuse."

McKay nodded faintly. "That's a simplified way of putting it, but yes. Like a blown fuse. The only problem is, Atlantis has over a thousand 'fuses' to check. That's why it's taking so long to resolve the issue."

Sheppard clapped Rodney on the shoulder and replied, "Well, keep on it. This stumbling-around-the-dark thing is a pain in the ass."

Rodney sighed, but made no comment, and Sheppard stepped over to Jordan, who was still rubbing her stomach absently.

"You okay?" He asked quietly, and she nodded.

"The baby's kicking me."

He cocked an eyebrow. "Already?"

"Well, it _has_ been five months, you know."

"Has it?" She nodded. "Does it hurt?"

Jordan chuckled. "Not really. It's more of a fluttering inside, really. But it'll get a little rougher in a month or two." She could see another question in his eyes, and already knew what he would ask. "You wanna feel it?"

Sheppard nodded, a little more eagerly than he did when Teyla had asked the same question, and gently placed his hand on Jordan's stomach. Sure enough, he could feel the baby's limbs pressing back against him, and a smile formed on his lips.

Jordan smiled in return, and leaned forward conspiratorially. "It's kinda freaky and cool at the same time, isn't it?"

"I wasn't gonna say anything, but yeah. Really cool."

"Colonel?" Rodney suddenly called. "I think we're ready."

"You think?" Sheppard returned, his tone biting. As soon as he'd swung around to face Rodney, he regretted everything he'd done the entire day, and was well on his way to wishing he'd never been born. The sudden motion of his hips twisting around sent a shockwave of pain up his ribs, flaring through both shoulders and down his arms. Though he could barely breathe, Sheppard forced his expression to remain blank as he waited for the scientist's answer.

Rodney nodded then, and did a small excited hop in his seat. "Yes, okay. We are definitely ready."

"Good," Sheppard managed.

While McKay tapped another few buttons, Jordan gently nudged Sheppard's shoulder with her own. "You okay?"

He nodded. "Just turned a little too fast."

"Are you sure?" She asked. "You look a little pale."

A grin flashed across his face. "You can't tell that in here," He replied, gesturing into the darkness around them.

Jordan gave a frustrated sigh, and gave up. A moment later, the lights came back on, and everyone in the room gave a small cheer of victory. Sheppard and Lorne both clapped Rodney on his shoulders, and took turns shaking Zelenka's hand in thanks. Ronon grabbed Rodney in a bear hug, lifting him clear off his feet, and would have done the same to Zelenka, but the Czech somehow saw what was coming and managed to escape from the room.

"Okay, everyone," Carter said after stifling a yawn. "Great job. Now all of you, go get a few hours' rest." Sheppard started to protest, but she held up her hand. "That's an order."

Seeing that he would get nowhere, Sheppard shrugged and carefully turned back to Jordan.

"Sleep sounds really good right now," she said to him, and he nodded in return.

"I guess."

She frowned. "You 'guess'?"

"I'm usually up by now, so my second wind's kicked in. I was gonna go for a jog, maybe grab something to eat."

Hearing this, Ronon chimed in. "Not even I'm crazy enough for that. I'm hittin' my bed for a while."

Jordan smiled her thanks at Ronon, and then turned back to Sheppard, a silent challenge on her face. He sighed in resignation.

"Fine. But only for a while."

"Good." She took a step forward, then suddenly stopped. "You wanna walk me to my quarters?"

He stuck out his bottom lip in thought. "Sure." A mischievous glitter found its way to his eyes. "Can we take the long way?"

After glancing around to make sure no one was watching, Jordan stood up on her toes and pressed her lips first against the corner of his mouth, and then by his earlobe. "You're incorrigible, you know that?"

He grinned at that, the bristle of his day-old beard scratching against her cheek. "You make it too easy."

* * *

_TBC..._


	9. Chapter 9

_AN: Hey, so I know it's been a while since I updated...got interrupted by life, as usual. LOL So, anyway...I was gonna take this in one direction, but it ended up going in another. Truthfully, I was kind of running out of ideas, and I couldn't bear to put either Sheppard or Jordan through any more drama, so I decided to wrap it up in a nicer, gentler way. Hope it works out this way, and if not, gimme ideas and I'll rewrite. I'm always up for improvement. _

_Anyway, enjoy this chapter, and number 10, which will be the last (for now)...R&R as usual!  
_

* * *

Chapter 9

Sheppard ambled around the city's halls, feeling restless despite being awake for the last 36 hours. The nightmare he'd had about Jordan while he was unconscious replayed in his mind, giving his arms goose bumps even though sweat trickled down the back of his neck. As he wiped his forehead with the palm of his hand, Atlantis' comforting hum seemed to grow slightly louder in his mind, as if it knew he was stressed, and was trying to console him.

For the moment, it was working. He pushed the dream into a far corner of his brain, and continued to drift aimlessly from one corridor to another, until he spotted Teyla a few yards away. She was walking in the same direction as he was, so he quickened his pace to catch up with her.

"Shouldn't you be getting some sleep?" He asked from slightly behind her, and though she didn't jump at his sudden voice, she stopped walking and turned to face him.

Her eyebrow arched playfully. "As you should be."

Sheppard shrugged. "Rhythm's all messed up. I'm usually awake by now, anyway."

She nodded, but said nothing.

"So," he continued as they began to walk again, "everything okay?"

Teyla grinned. "Yes. My rhythm is also 'messed up'. I am not used to sleeping when it is daylight."

It was his turn to nod in understanding, and once their pace was comfortable enough, he stuck his hands into his pockets and glanced unseeingly around them. Teyla noticed this, and asked, "How is Jordan doing?"

"She's fine. Sound asleep in her room. And, before you ask, I'm fine, too. Checked in with the Doc earlier, and she says the ribs are healing pretty well."

"That is good news."

He nodded. "Yep. So, mess hall's serving pancakes today. You wanna grab some before Rodney gets there and inhales everything?"

Teyla laughed. "Is there anywhere you have not been this morning?"

Sheppard shrugged. "Haven't been to the gym. But," he added quickly, "that's only because Keller ordered me to stay out."

"She is a wise woman," Teyla replied with a chuckle. After a short pause, she said, "It will be good to have another baby on Atlantis. Torren will have someone to play with."

When Sheppard didn't say anything, Teyla glanced at his face, and then frowned. "Is something wrong?"

Her question snapped him back to reality. "Hmm? Oh, yeah. I mean, no. Nothing's wrong. But yeah, a baby will be great."

"John."

He stopped walking again, and she turned toward him, her back resting against the wall of the corridor. When she saw that she had his attention, she said, "What is it?"

At first, it seemed as if he would brush off her concern. But after a moment, he said, "I'm not sure. I mean, I love Jordan and I'm excited for her. But there's a part of my mind that keeps reminding me that her kid isn't mine, that he'll never be mine no matter how much I want him to be."

Teyla cocked her head to the side, as it did whenever she went into what Sheppard called "therapist mode".

"John," she began, "Blood does not necessarily make one a father."

"I know. But it doesn't change things."

"It does not," she agreed. "But will it change how much you love Jordan or her child?"

"No," he replied, his eyes flashing at the mere suggestion. "I would do anything to protect them. Anything."

Teyla nodded. "Good. Then worry about the matter no further."

"I…" he took a breath and ran his hand through his hair. "But what about when the kid grows up, and somehow finds out about it? What if he – "

"Or she," Teyla corrected him.

"Yeah. What if he or she hates me for killing their dad?"

"The true father was evil…" she began, but he cut her off.

"It won't matter! I was a teenager once. I know how they are about stuff like this!"

She nearly bit out an angry reply, but forced herself to remain calm, if only to keep from agitating him any more. She licked her lips, which were suddenly dry, and gazed up into his hazel eyes, her hand placed lightly on his arm.

"John, no one in Atlantis doubts your abilities – as a soldier, or as a man. Why do you doubt yourself?"

At this, he closed his eyes and replied, "Because, I'm afraid that I'll treat Jordan's baby the way my father treated me. I don't want anyone to ever feel the way I did. Worthless, hopeless, just…a waste of space. That terrifies me, Teyla."

Teyla nodded sadly. He had told her all about the bitterness between himself and his father, and how he finally learned at his father's funeral that Patrick had regretted cutting John out of his life. What she didn't realize was how much his father's disapproval of him had scarred him.

Cautiously, she said, "You are not your father, John. You have a great heart, and more patience and love for others than you give yourself credit for. I have no doubt that you will love this child with every beat of your heart, and when the time comes for them to learn the truth, you will know just what to say."

He stood there in front of her as his mind processed everything she had said. Finally, he grinned slightly. "Thanks, Teyla."

She inclined her head. "You are most welcome." Then, she looked around and realized that the hall was starting to fill with people. "I must get back to my quarters. Perhaps we can all meet for breakfast soon?"

He nodded. "Sure. I'll get a hold of Rodney and Ronon, and grab Jordan on my way to the mess."

"Very well." She moved off down the hall, but Sheppard called after her, and she turned around again.

"Thanks!" He called. Teyla smiled and lifted her hand in a wave, then disappeared around a corner.

* * *

Jordan sounded the chime at Sheppard's door, but he didn't answer. Feeling somewhat frustrated and very hungry, she tapped her com sharply.

"Colonel Sheppard?"

There was a click, and a slight pause before his voice replied, "Yeah?"

"Where are you?"

Now there was a sigh. "I've been in the mess, waiting for you."

"What do you mean, you're in the mess? You told me to come to your quarters."

"No, I didn't. I called you about an hour ago, and told you we would all be down here."

Jordan leaned against his door, switching the baby's weight from one side to the other, as her mind reeled back to the time he'd mentioned. Yes, he had called her, but she could've sworn he told her to meet him outside his room. Hadn't he? The longer she thought about it, the less sure she was about it.

Huffing a sigh, she finally said, "Okay. I'll be down in a few minutes."

"Take your time," he replied, a smile in his voice, and then he clicked off.

A little over five minutes later, Jordan stepped through the door to the cafeteria. Sheppard noticed her first, and his heart did an excited leap in his chest at the sight of her. She was dressed in a sapphire-blue tunic that fit snugly over her chest, then flowed lightly around her stomach. It had been almost a whole month since the power failure, and her abdomen had suddenly swelled considerably, so that she looked like she'd stuffed an over-sized basketball under her clothing. Though she often complained about feeling like an "elephant" – which still made Ronon laugh every time – Sheppard thought that being pregnant suited her. Her skin actually had the slight "glow" to it so many women talked about, and her long hair, which now hung loose around her shoulders, seemed even thicker and shinier than before. And well…she just looked _gorgeous_ to him.

Curious as to why Sheppard has suddenly stopped mid-sentence, Rodney followed his gaze to the door, and a knowing grin crossed his face. He nudged Ronon, who simply lifted his eyebrows appreciatively and then went back to eating. He did, however, look up when Jordan reached their usual table, and managed a "Hey," when she greeted them.

"Good morning, Jordan," Teyla greeted her. Jordan pulled an extra chair up to the table beside Sheppard, and plunked herself down in it.

"Hi," she replied with a smile. "Nice day outside, huh?"

Everyone nodded their agreement, and Sheppard, finally managing to find his voice, asked, "How're you doing?"

Jordan shrugged. "Can't complain." Then, she said, "Actually, I _can_ complain. I've got a wicked knot in my back, and it's getting a little hard to breathe these days." She seemed to cheer up then. "But, at least the morning sickness is finally gone."

Sheppard grimaced at the idea of being nauseous every single morning for five or six months. He'd rather withstand Wraith torture than go through something like that. Unconsciously, his hand sneaked over to her back and began rubbing slow circles over her taut muscles. After a few minutes, he felt her relax, and he simultaneously realized what he was doing, but he didn't stop; he found that he really didn't care what anyone thought about his relationship with Jordan anymore, or about his sudden openness with his feelings. Jordan seemed to have been the whole reason behind that, and he couldn't say he was sorry for it.

"I'd better get something to eat," Jordan said after a while, and began to get up.

"I will bring something for you," Teyla said quickly, standing up before Jordan could. "I very much remember how you feel."

"Thanks, Teyla," she replied with a grateful sigh.

A light conversation began while Teyla was gone, and continued as they ate. During a slight pause, Rodney softly asked her, "Are you up to helping me in the lab today?"

His unusual show of understanding touched Jordan. He'd been like that with her before, but she'd somehow expected his patience to have run out by now, that he'd be back to his normal all-business attitude. She nodded. "Sure, if you don't mind me running off for a bathroom break every half-hour."

Rodney shrugged. "With all the coffee I go through in a day, I'm lucky if I manage that long."

"Rodney?" Sheppard said then, and the scientist looked up.

"Yeah?"

"Ew."

Jordan, Ronon, and Teyla all chuckled at that. When they'd quieted, Teyla glanced at Sheppard and flicked her eyes toward Jordan, sending him a silent message. Then, she stood up, her tray in her hand. "If you all will excuse me, I have some things to attend to."

Ronon had caught the meaning of the look she'd given the colonel, and soon followed her. "Uh, me too. Come on, Rodney."

"But –" Rodney began, but Ronon grabbed him by his shirt and yanked him out of his seat, half-dragging him away from the table and toward the door. "See you in my lab, Jordan."

When their friends had all gone, Sheppard pushed his nearly-empty tray away to the side, and leaned back in his chair. Jordan narrowed her eyes at him.

"What was that about?" She asked.

"Uh, Teyla and I were talking earlier about some stuff. I guess she thinks we might have something to talk about."

"Do we?" Jordan asked nervously. He'd been unusually quiet during their meal, and now she thought maybe it meant something was wrong between them. Maybe it had something to do with their lack of…intimacy? She'd been glad that he hadn't made any moves in that direction, not only because of her "condition", but also because it showed her that he truly loved her for who she was, and nothing else. It also showed her that he, unlike other men she'd known – baby's father included – had some measure of self-control, no matter how much Rodney compared him to Captain Kirk.

Maybe he was getting bored with that, though. He was a man, after all…

Sensing her agitation, Sheppard grinned easily and said, "Nothing like that, I promise."

"Oh." She calmed down somewhat, though doubt still nagged in the back of her mind. "So, what's up?"

_What's up_? He asked himself. _A whole hell of a lot, that's what_.

"I know it feels like we know each other pretty well." She nodded. "But there's a lot you still don't know about me. About my…childhood." Though he wanted the word to sound easy, it only tasted bitter on his tongue, and it took all his strength not to actually spit it out.

"Everyone's got issues with their past, John. That's not a big surprise."

He tried to grin, but it ended up looking more like a grimace. "I know. But, see, my father wasn't exactly a great example of how to do things."

She held up her hand to stop him. "Rodney told me a little of this already."

"He _what_?"

Jordan leaned forward and placed the hand she'd held up over his, her fingers lightly squeezing his. "Listen, all he told me was that one of the reasons you sometimes try to distance yourself from me – and by extension, the baby – is because of your less-than-stellar relationship with your dad."

A lump formed in his throat, so he only closed his eyes and nodded.

"But you need to understand something," she continued, and his curiosity forced him to look at her again. There was a small smile on her lips, and her eyes sparkled with something he couldn't quite identify.

"What's that?"

"There's something a wise person once told me, but I've always known anyway. Anyone can be a father, but it takes love to make someone a Dad." She let him digest that, and then added, "As far as I'm concerned, to this child, you are both. It doesn't matter that you don't share blood. All that _does_ matter is that you've been there for me since the beginning. That's all I've ever wanted."

Awed by her words, Sheppard wrapped his arm around her and hugged her tight against his side. Both she and Teyla had said virtually the same thing, but it took the love and tenderness in Jordan's eyes for him to actually believe it.

"You don't need to worry about becoming like your dad. The fact that you're worried about it proves that you won't. I mean, there may be some things you'll do similarly, because they were the right things to do; but the bad stuff won't be repeated as long as you remember them, and how they felt."

"I don't think I could ever forget."

Jordan smiled and kissed his cheek. "Then stop worrying. You'll do fine."

He nodded, and was silent for a moment. Then, he asked, "Aren't you worried, being a first-time mom and all that? I mean, I helped out with Torren a little, but…" he shrugged helplessly.

"A little," she agreed. "But as long as we stick together, it'll be okay. And I can always get advice from Teyla."

For the first time in a while, he actually smiled. "Very true. So, what's next?"

"Now, we get out of here. I'm gonna go help Rodney."

As they stood up, he said, "I'd come with you to torture him a little, but I've got a mountain of reports to get finish up."

Feigning disappointment, she replied, "Oh, well." Then she asked, "Movie in the lounge tonight?"

"Sure. You pick, but nothing sad or sappy. I don't want you going through another box of tissues."

She chuckled at that. "Yeah, definitely no 'Braveheart' for a while."

He started to turn away, and then quickly spun back around and kissed her gently on the mouth. "I love you," he murmured, and she fought a sudden urge to cling to him, as if it were the last time she would see him.

"I love you, too."

* * *

_TBC..._


	10. Chapter 10

_AN: Hi! So, a little info about this chapter...the situation described in the beginning actually closely mirrors how my first child was born. I had a huge argument with my husband one night, that lasted quite a few hours into the night. Just as I was about to go to sleep, my water broke, and I went into labor. I figured (since it's based on an actual experience) it would make a pretty realistic situation. Plus, LOL at the idea of Rodney punching Kavanagh in the face! _

_As I said last chapter, if anyone has an idea for a different direction to the story, let me know! The only reason I ended this a little short was because I have a bunch more fics I'm trying to finish, and also because as I said before, I couldn't Whump anyone anymore in this fic! Hope you've enjoyed the story, and R&R! I loves the reviews!_

_PS...also wanted to mention, thank you SOOOO much for all the favs, alerts, etc! I'm so happy so many people are enjoying the story!_

* * *

Chapter 10

Sheppard was really tired now.

The team had just gotten back from dealing with another faction of the Genii, and all he'd been looking forward to was a hot shower, followed closely by a good night's sleep. Well, he'd actually planned on looking in on Jordan first, since she was now due to have her baby any day, but that hadn't gone as well as he'd have liked.

Jordan had been upset over a comment she'd heard Kavanagh mutter at Rodney shortly after the team returned - something like, "Where's Sheppard's newest charity case?" Rodney had snapped back at him, actually telling Kavanagh that he'd shove his fist right through the smarmy scientist's skull, but the damage had been done in Jordan's mind. She began to cry as she told Sheppard what had happened, and though it had upset him as well, he was just so damned tired that he'd just brushed it off and told her to forget about it. Which, of course, was the wrong thing to say. She got mad at him then, and the argument escalated until he finally stormed out of her room, leaving her to fling herself onto her bed, crying in anger and sadness.

Now, he laid awake in bed, turning over the evening's events in his mind, kicking himself for handling the situation the way he had. At least four times, he considered getting up and trekking back to her room to apologize, but he changed his mind each time, telling himself that she was probably asleep by now. The last thing he wanted was to disturb her sleep, now that she was so close to her due date; she'd need all the sleep she could get, to have the strength to deal with her labor and delivery, not to mention dealing with a newborn.

Heaving a sigh, he rolled over onto his other side and pulled up the blankets, finally feeling tired enough to actually sleep. He was just about to drift off, when his earpiece crackled from its place on his bedside table, and a voice called out, "John?"

Recognizing the fear in Jordan's voice, he rolled back over and grabbed the earpiece, bolting upright at the same time. "What is it?" He asked her even before he had the com slid into place.

"I…I think my water just broke."

That was all it took for him to leap out of bed, nearly tripping over the clothes he'd tossed beside it only an hour ago. "I'll be right there. Just stay calm," he told her, as he pulled a t-shirt over his head and slipped on a pair of sneakers.

"Okay," she replied breathlessly.

He couldn't believe this was happening, especially right now, when he'd had so little sleep. He silently wondered if the reason she'd been so emotional was because she'd been about to go into labor, and neither of them had recognized it. If that was the case, well, he felt even more like an ass than he had before.

As he jogged down the halls, he tapped the com again, and called Dr. Keller. She answered groggily, but when he explained the situation to her, she snapped into doctor-mode and told him she'd be waiting in the infirmary for them.

"Sheppard, what's happening?" Rodney asked him, and Sheppard slid to a stop before he could collide with either Rodney or Ronon, who had been walking with him.

"Jordan…water broke…having baby," Sheppard gasped. "Gotta go."

As he started off again, Rodney called, "What, now? Really?"

Frustrated, Sheppard shouted back, "No, I'm just practicing. _Yes_, now!"

This time, he darted around the corner without waiting for his friends to reply, and continued on his way to Jordan's quarters. When he reached her room, he only had to think "open" for the door to slide open for him. At least the city seemed to understand the urgent situation.

"Hey! Slow down before you kill yourself," Jordan said as he ran into her room and rushed over to her bed. She was sitting upright and smiling, but a few droplets of sweat were already beginning to stand out near her hairline, and her hands were clenched in her lap.

"Sorry. I was just…"

"I know."

He nodded. He loved that about her – that she knew what he was going to say. "Contractions?" He asked her.

Jordan chuckled, but stopped short when a wave of pain rippled across her stomach and back. When it eased somewhat, she replied, "Every five or six minutes."

He moved to help her up off the bed, but she grabbed his shoulder. "I'm so sorry. I got mad at you for no –"

He shook his head and interrupted. "It's okay. Let's just get you to Keller."

Jordan grabbed a bag that had been packed full of clothes for both her and the baby, and slung it over her shoulder. Sheppard wrapped his arm around her waist to support her, and they slowly made their way out of the room and down to the transporter, then down the final hallway toward the infirmary, stopping twice when more contractions wracked her.

Inside the infirmary, they found not only Dr. Keller and a few nurses waiting for them, but also the three members of Sheppard's team, Major Lorne, Dr. Zelenka, and Colonel Carter. As soon as everyone saw them enter, the conversation they'd been having stopped, and Jordan suddenly had a picture of Mary and Joseph entering the crowded inn. If she hadn't been in so much pain, she might've laughed out loud at that.

"Okay," Dr. Keller shouted to the group of visitors, "everyone out! I'll let you know when the visiting hours are."

There were a few disappointed murmurs, but everyone quickly filed out, to line the halls and wait. Ronon hung back for a moment, his dark eyes seeming even blacker with a mixture of worry and excitement. Taking a tentative step forward, he gently laid his hand on Jordan's shoulder. Jordan stared into his eyes and then nodded, and he turned on his heel and left the room.

"What was that?" Sheppard asked her.

"Basically he wanted me to know that everything would be okay."

"Well why didn't he just say that, then?"

Jordan smiled softly. "Not everyone's good at voicing their feelings."

Catching on that she was ribbing him, he replied, "Funny."

"I try."

"Okay, you two," Keller interjected then. "Can we get Jordan comfortable, and get an IV going, before the baby decides to drop where you're standing?"

"Sorry," Sheppard said, grinning covertly at Jordan before leading her to the bed Keller indicated.

When Jordan was situated, Keller glanced at Sheppard and asked, "You okay, Colonel? You look tired."

He nodded. "I'm fine."

Sure, he was tired. But he wouldn't miss the next few hours for anything in the world.

* * *

A high-pitched wail woke Sheppard up from a sound sleep. Raising himself on one elbow, he glanced beside him and saw Jordan lying there, still deep in slumber despite the noise.

Stifling a chuckle, Sheppard swung his legs out of bed and stood up. _She was still exhausted, and needed her rest. She's been through a lot the past few days_. He padded barefoot into the kitchen to grab a bottle of milk, swiping tiredly at a balloon bouquet that was anchored to a drawer, as it was in his way of the refrigerator. He managed not to trip over the diaper bag that always seemed to materialize directly in the middle of his path no matter where he was, and made his way back into the sleeping area, flicking on a dim light as he passed the switch. When he reached the crib, which Teyla and Ronon had pitched in to buy together, he looked down into it, and into a pair of bright blue eyes.

"Hey, you tryin' to wake the whole city?" he asked quietly, reaching down to rub small circles on the baby's pink pajama-clad belly. Rodney had given the pajamas to Jordan during the baby shower, his face glowing with pride even as he was subjected to snide comments and witty remarks. Sheppard grinned as he remembered that day. Due to the baby's sudden arrival, the shower had been held in the infirmary, chairs set in a half-circle around Jordan's bed. It had been fun, he had to admit, and the food – pot-luck was the term they'd used – was amazing. The presents had seemed to just keep coming – the crib, a swing from Keller, a car seat from Zelenka for use in the Puddle Jumpers, a mess of knitted afghans, bottles, diapers…he couldn't remember them all, but he knew Jordan had carefully written each one down in the baby book Carter had given her, along with the thousands of pictures everyone had taken both before and after the birth.

The baby had since stopped crying, instead content to intently study his face. Sheppard smiled and carefully lifted the baby out of the crib, settling her into the crook of his arm. He didn't think he'd ever get past the wonder he felt whenever he held a baby. They were so small, so helpless – and yet so full of life. He sank down into the nearby rocking chair, adjusting the blanket she was swaddled in and slipping the bottle into her mouth, which instantly began to suck eagerly on the nipple.

"Hey, slow down. Gonna get air in that little tummy."

At the sound of his voice, Jordan lifted her head, blinking in the soft light. "John?" she asked, her voice thick with sleep. "Is she hungry again?"

Smiling, Sheppard replied, "It's okay, babe. I've got her."

Satisfied with his answer, Jordan turned onto her side and went back to sleep.

Sheppard gazed lovingly down at the little girl in his arms, and said, "Don't I, Hope? I've got you, and I'll never let you go."

THE END!

* * *

Well, that's it, folks! It's been a fun ride...and to think, all based on a short dream I had one night after too many SGA episodes! (As if there's such a thing! LOL) Anyway, so glad I got to share this with all of you!


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